


When Hope Seems Futile

by magequisition



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Children, College AU, Drama, F/M, M/M, Professor!Cas, Student!Dean, Unhappy marriage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-12
Updated: 2013-07-23
Packaged: 2017-11-29 01:13:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/681006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magequisition/pseuds/magequisition
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is trapped in an unhappy marriage that he can't escape. He hates everything about his life, so he goes back to university to try to get his degree. When he meets Dr. Castiel Novak he develops an instant crush, but he knows the professor is way out of his league - and then there's also the fact that he's still married. </p><p>What do you do when hope seems futile, but you still can't stop it? </p><p>This is the story of how Dean Winchester fell in love with a man he couldn't have, and how that man gave him more than he could have ever imagined.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

 

**4.5 Years Ago**

“You're....what?” Dean asked. He had to have heard her wrong.

“Pregnant, Dean. I'm pregnant, okay?”

“You told me you were on the pill, Lisa!” Dean shouted. Lisa's eyes filled with tears.

“I WAS, Dean!” she exclaimed. “When I went in, the doctor said it isn't 100%. It doesn't fail often, but occasionally...” she trailed off. “I'm sorry, Dean. I didn't exactly plan this, you know.” Dean's head dropped.

“I know.” His voice was quieter now. “I'm sorry. I just-a baby, Lis?” Lisa smiled weakly at him.

“Yep,” she replied. Dean stepped forward and wrapped his arms around his girlfriend.

“We'll figure it out,” he said. “We'll – I dunno. We'll get married, I guess. That's the first step. I bet Bobby'll give me extra hours at the shop.”

“I love you,” Lisa said. No sooner had the words left her mouth than her face contorted slightly and she pulled out of Dean's grasp, turning and running quickly in the direction of the bathroom. Seconds later, Dean heard the telltale retching and he followed her, determined she wouldn't have to do this alone.

 

**Chapter 1**

 

**Present Day**

 

“Son of a bitch!” Dean growled angrily, bashing the flat of his hand against the edge of the table and glaring at his textbook irritably.

“What exactly is your problem now?” Lisa asked, annoyance clear in her voice.

“I'm just having a problem with my assignment, okay? It's only the first day of term and I'm already having problems. So if it's not too much _trouble,_ now that Ben's asleep I need to be left alone so that I can work.” Lisa rolled her eyes at him.

“Whatever. See if I express concern again,” she grumbled, leaving the kitchen of their small apartment and heading towards the living room.

“Concern my ass,” Dean mumbled, turning back to his textbook and pressing his fingers into his forehead, mumbling the formula aloud in an attempt to understand it. After several minutes of doing so, he dropped his head onto his forearms and sighed loudly.

He hadn't planned on his life turning out this way. When Lisa had gotten pregnant, he'd been 23 and nervous, but things hadn't seemed so bad. He'd had his job at the garage, and Lisa, and they were getting married. It wasn't perfect, but it seemed like it'd be okay. He'd been content, happy even.

It wasn't long before everything changed. Bobby had his accident and was stuck in the wheelchair, and he'd had to close the shop half a year after the wedding. Dean couldn't find work and Lisa barely even tried. Dean had finally decided to go back to school to get his degree – something he'd always planned to do but didn't seem necessary once he got hired at the garage – and somewhere, in amongst all of that, the fighting had started. Ben was about a year and a half old when it had started getting really bad, and by the time Ben was three, Dean was desperate for a way out. He loved his son with all of his heart, but any affection he'd felt for Lisa had faded entirely under the stress of constant fighting and her apparent need to continually undermine and insult him. Unfortunately, with the job market the way it was, both he and Lisa had been unable to find work and they were being supported exclusively on Dean's student loans, scholarships, and bursaries. He had no way of escaping the situation, nowhere to go even if he did man up and file for divorce. He couldn't afford another apartment, and although he felt Ben was better off staying with Lisa (though he hated to admit it) he wasn't going to leave them without a home. Dean clenched his fists, forcing back the tears that were pricking at his eyes again.

If he was going to have any chance of escape, he was going to have to do his damndest to get through school, and he knew it. He just wished it didn't seem like such a hopeless endeavour. He sat up straight again, clenched his teeth, and picked up his pencil, focusing once more on his chemistry textbook.

Dean sighed as he dropped into his seat in his first math class of the term, pulling his travel mug from the side pocket of his bag and taking a long sip of coffee. He'd been up way too late trying to work through those chemistry problems, and then when he'd been trying to get Ben ready for daycare that morning, the four year old had decided it was a great day to put every stalling technique he'd ever learned to good use. He'd barely made it to his class on time. It was shaping up to be a very, very long day. He opened his binder and pulled out a small stack of looseleaf to take notes on, grateful that the class wasn't full and he was sitting by himself. As he was rifling around in the bottom of his bag for a pencil, he heard the classroom door shut behind him.

“Hello, everyone,” came a gravelly voice from the back of the class, moving towards the front as he spoke. “If you are looking for Math 223, you are in the right place, if not, then you're late for class. I'm Dr. Castiel Novak, but you are welcome to call me Castiel if you wish.” Finally finding his pencil, Dean sat up straight again and scribbled the date onto the top paper before he looked up.

He wasn't sure what he'd expected Dr. Novak to look like, but it wasn't dark hair on top of bright blue eyes framed by dark-rimmed glasses. He also hadn't expected to find someone only a few years older than himself, and certainly not someone he thought he might actually enjoy going to math class for. After a minute he realised the professor was talking again, and he started scribbling down notes frantically, despite the fact that the man was only telling them a bit about his educational background.

“I'm going to pass around the syllabus now,” Dr. Novak – Castiel – announced. “We'll be going through it together very briefly before we start today's lecture, but please take particular note of my office hours. They're there for a reason, and I hope you'll take advantage of them as needed.”

 _For once, I just might,_ Dean mused to himself as the person sitting in front of him reached behind to pass him the stack of handouts.

The first week of classes passed by in a blur. Castiel's class, held twice a week, was the highlight by far. Math had never been Dean's strongest subject, despite the fact that he was an engineering major, but Castiel had a way of explaining the concepts that was clear and understandable. If the entire semester went this well, he was fairly sure he'd get his first A in math since high school.

Of course, the fact that Castiel continually managed to hold Dean's undivided attention probably helped matters as well. In only two classes, Dean had learned that the young professor had a dry sense of humour, which came out often, and a relaxed smile, which didn't, but when it did it almost always reached his eyes. His voice sounded like sandpaper sometimes, but it was rarely harsh. His passion for math (Dean hadn't known such a thing was possible) shone through every time he lectured, and he never rushed. It was obvious that Castiel actuall ywanted his students to do well, not just pass.

Dean sat down in the library, dropping his binder to the table. He was thankful that he only had one class on Friday mornings, allowing him the afternoon free to get work and studying done in the library for a few hours before Ben had to be picked up from daycare. He leaned over and pulled his math textbook out of his bag, flipping it open to the exercises he needed to work on for the first chapter. He'd been at it a few minutes when he heard someone sit down across from him.

“Hey there, brother,” came a low drawl. Dean grinned.

“Hey, Benny. How's it going?” he asked. He'd met Benny the year before in an introductory physics class. The students had nicknamed it “purgatory”, since they'd all been stuck with the hardest-marking professor in the school and it was about one step above actual hell. He and Benny had been lab partners, so they'd spent a lot of time together that semester. Benny shrugged slightly.

“Could be worse. We got out of purgatory, we can survive anything,” he grinned. Dean laughed.

“True enough. Classes seem okay this term?” he asked.

“Yeah, not bad. All physics and math, but I avoided Milton's class, so it should be fine. How about you?”

“Pretty good, actually. I'm taking that required English class I didn't get last year, plus math, chem, and bio,” Dean said. Benny nodded.

“Not a bad lineup, I guess. Who'd you get for math?” Dean grinned.

“The new-ish guy. Castiel Novak.”

“He's good, I had him last year. He's real laid back,” Benny said.

“Yeah, he seems that way. I think I'm going to like his class, which is more than I've said for a math class in a long time,” Dean said. Benny nodded.

“Wouldn't be surprised if you did. Anyways, I should go. I've got a class this afternoon,” Benny said, standing up and lifting his bag over his shoulder. Dean waved.

“I'll catch you later, Benny. Text me, we can study together sometime or something.”

“It's a deal, brother.” Benny walked away, leaving Dean to his studying.

Unfortunately, discussions of classes had burned an image of deep blue eyes and a day-brightening smile into Dean's mind. As he stared at the math problems in front of him, all he could do was smile.

He worked for a couple of hours, successfully getting his math assignment out of the way before he went to pick up Ben at daycare. He pulled open the door and grinned at the slightly-frazzled looking teacher occupying a group of small children at the art table, her hair and t-shirt covered in glitter.

“Hey, Tina,” he said. “Ben over in the block room like usual?” Tina waved.

“Yep. How's it going, Dean?” she asked in response

“Ah, could be worse. First week's over, and things seem like they'll be alright this term,” he said as he headed towards another section of the daycare. He leaned over the row of cubbies to peek into the block area.

“Hey, Ben!” he said, watching his son drop blocks into a large bucket.

“Daddy!” Ben shouted, jumping up and running to him, wrapping his arms tightly around Dean's waist. Dean grinned brightly and knelt down, hugging the small boy.

“How was your day, buddy?” he asked.

“It was good Daddy I played with blocks and me 'n Conner did painting and I ate all my lunch and I had a nap!” Ben's response came out all in a rush, without a breath in between words. Dean laughed.

“That's great. Sounds like you had a good day. C'mon, let's get your stuff. You want spaghetti for dinner?” he asked. Ben clapped his hands together.

“I LOVE SKETTI!” he shouted, running to his cubby and pulling out his jacket excitedly. Dean watched him with a smile as Ben ran back towards him.

“Daddy, start my zipper for me?” he asked.

“Sure, little dude. C'mere,” he said, grabbing the edges of Ben's coat and tugging lightly to pull his son closer towards him. He started the zipper, getting it about an inch closed before Ben swatted his hands away.

“I do it now, Daddy! I'm big, I can do it!” Ben grabbed the zipper and pulled it up towards his chin.

“Nice work, Ben. Alright, c'mon. Let's go home, okay?” Ben nodded and slipped his hand into Dean's as Dean stood up. They left the daycare, Ben waving enthusiastically to his friends and teachers as they did so, and headed out to Dean's car for the short drive home.

*****

The weeks began to pass by quickly, and before Dean knew it he'd reached midterms. Castiel's class continued to be the highlight of his week, and by the third week of classes Dean had developed a serious crush on the professor. He had tried to shove it down and ignore it, but eventually he'd decided to just embrace it. There was no harm in a crush, he figured, and anyways it seemed to be encouraging him to study harder in the hopes that he would impress Castiel. A week before his midterm for Castiel's class, he texted Lisa on his brief break between classes.

 _Going to be late. Have to meet with a prof. Pick up Ben pls._ He shoved the phone back in his pocket, pulling it out a second later when it vibrated with a response.

 _Of course you do. Fine._ Dean rolled his eyes when he read the response and shoved the phone back in his pocket.

“Would it kill you to not be a raging bitch for once?” he mumbled to himself as he started walking towards his next class. He smiled when he thought about the fact that at least he'd be seeing Castiel again later that day.

When his last class finished, Dean checked the time and realised Castiel would be in his office already for office hours. He hurried in the direction of the room, thankful that his office was in the same building as Dean's last class of the day. When he got there, the door was partially closed. Dean knocked gently, though he could see Castiel was in there, sitting in front of his computer.

“Come in,” came the gravelly voice that was already familiar to Dean. He pushed the door open slowly and stepped inside as Castiel looked up from his computer.

“Hello Dean,” he said, his smile crossing his face. “What brings you here?”

“Um, hi, Castiel,” Dean said, scolding himself silently for sounding like a twelve year old girl with a crush. _Well, the last part is accurate..._ he thought. He swallowed hard, trying to regain control of his thoughts, before continuing. “I just had a couple of questions about the midterm next week.” Castiel nodded.

“Of course. Take a seat,” he said, gesturing to the chair beside him. “What can I help you with?”

Half an hour later, Dean closed Castiel's office door quietly behind him. He hadn't expected to be there so long, and in fact, all his questions had been answered within the first fifteen minutes. However he'd ended up talking with Castiel for several minutes afterwards, telling him how much he'd been enjoying the class and how Castiel was making the concepts very easy to understand. Dean had been surprised at how easy the conversation was, given his initial nervousness, but then Castiel had smiled again, and Dean had been about ninety percent sure his heart was going to burst straight out of his chest. Dean had thanked him as he left, and Castiel had responded with a slight nod and a,

“Please feel free to come back any time if you have any other questions at all, Dean.”

Dean had grinned widely back in response and thanked him again. After he closed the door behind him, he swung his bag properly across his shoulders again and started the walk towards the parking lot.

His good mood lasted for about five minutes upon arriving home. After a very enthusiastic greeting from Ben, who had excitedly told him all about the fun he'd had playing with some of the girls in the kitchen centre at daycare that day, he'd come face to face with a very grouchy Lisa.

“You're awfully late,” she remarked, glaring at him.

“I did tell you I had to meet with my math prof,” Dean said defensively. “I had to ask him a couple of questions about my midterm next week. In case you haven't noticed, I'm in _school,_ Lisa, and it's kind of important that I do well.” Lisa rolled her eyes.

“Whatever. I've already given Ben his bath. It's time for him to go to bed.” Dean finally set his bag down (Ben hadn't given him the chance when he'd first come in) and called out to his son.

“Ben, c'mon buddy, Dad's gonna help you get ready for bed. You want me to read you one of your Captain America books?” Ben came racing into the living room again.

“Can I wear my striped jammies?” he asked excitedly.

“The blue and green ones?” Dean asked. Ben nodded. “Yeah, I think those are clean. Let's go check, okay?” Ben grabbed Dean's hand and dragged him towards his bedroom.

Twenty minutes later, Ben was tucked into bed, his water bottle set on the small bedside table, and about three hundred stuffed animals surrounding him. Dean left the room quietly and headed back to the living room, picking up the remote to watch TV for a few minutes before he got back to studying. Just as he'd turned the television on, Lisa entered the room.

“Oh, you're just going to watch TV?” she asked accusingly.

“Uh...for a few minutes?” Dean said. “I'm just trying to relax a little before I get back to work.” Lisa rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, I can see how busy you must be with school,” she said sarcastically.

“Would you lay the fuck off?” Dean asked. “I've been working all god damn day. I think I can take a break for an hour to watch a show,” he said.

“Yeah, whatever. The dishwasher needs loading,” she said as she walked away.

“What, you can't do it?” he asked her retreating back. She didn't respond and Dean flopped backwards onto the couch, sighing heavily. He turned off the TV, no longer in the mood for the medical drama rerun he'd planned to watch. Instead, he pulled out his binder and started to study, hoping that focusing his mind on work would take it off of how much happier he was at school. 


	2. Chapter 2

 Dean rolled out of bed with a groan when his alarm went off. He glanced over to Lisa's still-sleeping form and sighed. He wished he could still love her, he really did. At one point she'd been his entire world, but too many months of endless fighting and stress had been too much. He padded sleepily towards the bathroom to take a quick shower before getting ready to go to school for the day. He turned the water on very hot and took a deep breath, inhaling some of the steam as he stripped off his pyjama pants before stepping under the stream of water. 

Three hours later, Dean was at school, running to Castiel's class. He'd needed clarification on an assignment for his previous class and the professor had been very slow to explain things. Dean liked him well enough, but _concise_ didn't seem to be in his vocabulary. Dean slid into the classroom and into his usual seat just as Castiel was beginning his lecture, trying to be as quiet as possible. 

“Now, before I officially begin today,” Castiel was saying, “I'd like to hand back your midterms. Overall, they were very well done; those of you who didn't do as well as you'd like are welcome to see me for help during my office hours. The highest mark for this test was 92%, which is excellent. Congratulations.” He started to walk around the room, handing back tests. About halfway down the pile he stopped beside Dean's seat.

“Nicely done, Dean,” he said with a small smile as he placed the paper upside down on the desk. Dean grinned up at him and Castiel moved on, leaving Dean to flip the paper and look at his grade. 

“90%,” Dean breathed out with a sigh of relief. Not quite the highest, which disappointed him a bit (not at all related to wanting to impress Castiel of course), but he wasn't complaining either. He tucked the test into his binder and pulled out some paper to prepare for taking notes. 

Castiel's class passed quickly, as always. When it came to the end, Dean packed up slowly and left the classroom. It had been a long day, and he decided to get a cup of coffee before going to the library to study. Yawning, he turned in the direction of the small coffee shop near the library. 

*****

“Hey, Dean. Just coffee today?” The cheerful redhead behind the counter asked him. 

“Yeah, Anna, thanks,” he said, handing her some change. She slid it into the till before handing him a paper cup to fill with coffee. 

She gave him a small smile. “You look a little rough. Long week?” she asked. 

Dean grimaced. “Midterms,” he said by way of explanation. “They're finally over, and my marks are coming in pretty good, but I haven't quite recovered,” he said with a grin as he filled his cup. 

“Yeah, I hear you there. I'm so glad I'm done with that kind of thing,” she said. Anna had been a student at the university, but had graduated a couple of years before and simply never left her job at the coffee shop. Dean was glad – she was a good barista and a sympathetic listener when Dean felt the need to complain about school-related issues. When his cup was full, he shot her a grin. 

“Thanks again, Anna,” he said as he moved over to the condiment bar to get a lid and a coffee sleeve, then waved as he left the shop and entered the small seating area just outside. He was thankful to find one table left, and he took it without a second thought. Pulling out the novel he was supposed to be reading for his English class, he flipped it open to the second chapter to read while he drank his coffee. He picked up his cup and took a long sip of coffee, closing his eyes briefly as the hot liquid poured over his tongue. Even coffee couldn't pique his interest in the book, though, and he let out a sigh of boredom. 

“Hello, Dean,” came a slightly amused voice from beside him. Dean's eyes shot up as he instantly recognised the voice. 

“Ah, Castiel! Hi,” Dean said, trying to keep his voice calm. He set his coffee cup down. 

“Not enjoying your book?” The professor asked. Dean looked down at the novel in his hand slightly sheepishly. 

“It's alright, I guess...classic literature just isn't really my thing. I like to read, just not...this,” he said, returning his eyes to look at Castiel. “The course is required though, a breadth credit, I think.” Castiel nodded. 

“Ah, yes, I remember them well,” he said. Dean looked around and noticed the still-full seating area. He swallowed hard. 

“Um...do you want to sit down?” He asked tentatively. He had no idea if this was allowed, but he wasn't going to pass up an opportunity to spend time with Castiel if the excuse fell into his lap like this. Castiel glanced around, noting the full tables, before looking at his watch. 

“Sure, Dean. Thank you,” he said, sitting in the seat across from Dean. “So, what did you think of the midterm?” He asked. “You did very well.” 

Dean couldn't stop the flush of pride from coming to his cheeks. “Thanks,” he said. “I thought it was really fair. That study guide you gave us was really helpful. Thanks for that,” he added. Castiel smiled, and Dean had to fight to keep his breathing even. _Jesus, Dean, you've got it bad,_ he thought to himself. _Snap out of it._ He blinked quickly when he realised Castiel was answering him. 

“I'm glad it was helpful,” Castiel was saying. “I am sure your ease with the exam was due to your good study habits, though. I can tell you're a very motivated student, Dean.” The corners of Dean's mouth twitched uncontrollably, and he looked down briefly at his hands, which were fidgeting with his book, before answering. 

“I'm trying, for sure,” he answered. “You're a great teacher though, Castiel, really. I've never done so well in a math class before.” Castiel smiled again. 

“That's kind of you to say,” he said. They sat in silence for a moment before Castiel spoke again. “So, you're not a classic literature fan. What do you like to read?” 

“Ah, well, I don't have a lot of spare time, really...but I like Vonnegut when I get the chance.” Castiel nodded. “What about you, Castiel?” Dean asked curiously. 

“Well, truth be told, I'm really a fan of the classics, myself. I'll read nearly anything with a decent plot, though. I enjoy science fiction novels, as well.” Dean grinned. 

“Really,” he said, more of a statement than a question. “I wouldn't have guessed it.” 

Castiel smiled before glancing down at his watch. “Oh,” he said, his voice (Dean thought) holding a note of disappointment. “I should be going. I have another class to teach in twenty minutes and I have a few things to prepare.” 

Dean nodded. “Oh, yeah, of course. I'm sorry I kept you. It was nice talking with you, Cas,” he said, his hand flying up to cover his mouth when he realised he'd used the nickname he'd secretly started calling the professor in his head. 

“Cas?” he said with a small smile on his face. “I think I like it. Let's not tell anyone else though, shall we?” He stood up slowly. “Thank you for allowing me to interrupt your studies, Dean. I'll see you in class soon.” Dean swallowed hard and nodded as Castiel turned to walk towards the math building. When he was out of sight, Dean let out a breath he hadn't intended to hold and took a long sip of coffee. 

“What in the hell just happened here?” he mumbled to himself, trying to turn his attention back to his book. 

*****

The semester continued along smoothly for Dean, at least as far as school was concerned. At home, he was becoming increasingly distant from Lisa, generally only speaking to her when she approached him first or when it was necessary. It wasn't intentional; he simply had nothing to say. It dawned on him that this should probably bother him, since he had been married to her for four years, but he found he didn't have the will to care anymore. He began to peruse the job boards at the university, hoping to find a position in one of the tutoring centres. In the meantime, he spent as much time at the school as he could. He felt more at home there than he had anywhere in a long time. 

October passed into November, and as the final exam season approached, jobs for the spring semester started getting posted. Dean's heart jumped one day mid-November when he saw that the tutoring centre had two postings available for the upcoming term. He read over the requirements quickly. Two shifts per week minimum, flexible to fit around the student's schedule, decent pay – better than he'd make at a fast food place, anyway. B+ average – he had that easily covered, he thought with a smile. Submit resume, transcript, and an academic reference. He bookmarked the job posting page and opened up his word processor to update his resume. 

A few days after finding the job posting, Dean found himself standing outside of Castiel's office door. He'd acquired a copy of his transcript from the registration office and finalised his resume, so requesting that Cas be his academic reference was the final step before Dean submitted his application for the tutoring job. Dean was still doing well in Castiel's class, but he found himself anxious about the prospect of asking for this sort of favour anyway. He took a deep breath to steady himself and knocked lightly on the door. 

“Come in,” came the familiarly raspy voice from inside. Dean pressed down on the handle and pushed the door open slowly. 

“Dean,” Castiel said, spotting Dean as he turned in his chair. 

“Hi, Castiel,” Dean said. 

Castiel smiled. “Oh, no more Cas?” He asked, a slightly teasing note to his voice. Dean felt his cheeks flush. “I'm sorry,” Castiel said. “I couldn't resist. I did mean what I said that day, though, Dean. I don't find the nickname objectionable.” 

Dean grinned. “I'll keep that in mind,” he said. “I was actually wondering if I could ask a favour,” he said, his heartbeat speeding up again. 

“What can I do for you, Dean?” His professor asked. 

Dean swallowed hard. “Well, I'm...I don't know if I even have a chance at it, but I'm applying for a job in the tutoring centre,” he said. Castiel smiled. “I, uh, I need an academic reference, and I was wondering if you would mind if I listed you as a reference.” The last few words came out in a rush, and Dean kicked himself internally for allowing his nervousness to show like that. _Way to be smooth, Winchester,_ he thought to himself. 

“I'd be happy to, Dean. I think it's great that you are trying for the position. You will make a good tutor, I'm certain. Do you need a letter, or just to list me on a form?” Castiel asked. 

“Ah, I just need to note you down on the application, I think. It doesn't say anything about a letter, just gives me a spot to write your name and office number down,” Dean said. 

Castiel nodded. “All right. Well, I'm happy to act as a reference for you, Dean. Please let me know how the application process goes. Is there anything else I can do for you?” 

Dean shifted awkwardly from one foot to the other. There wasn't anything else, but he found himself reluctant to leave Castiel's office. He wracked his brain for a minute, trying desperately to think of any other concerns he could bring to the professor, but he came up with nothing feasible. 

“No, that was all,” he said, shifting the weight of his bag around a bit. “Um, thanks a lot...Cas,” he spoke the nickname quietly, a small smile perking up one side of his mouth. Castiel smiled widely at him, his blue eyes seeming to Dean to sparkle even in the dimly lit office. 

“No problem, Dean. Hopefully I'll see you again soon,” Castiel replied, as though Dean wouldn't see him in class the next day. Dean swallowed hard and nodded, offering a small, slightly awkward wave before he turned to leave the office. He closed the door quietly behind him and started to walk down the hallway, a wide smile spreading across his face. 

*****

By the time the end of November had rolled around, Dean was in the process of turning in all of his final projects and starting to prepare for final exams, and he still hadn't heard anything about the tutoring centre job. He'd given it up for a loss, assuming he hadn't been chosen for an interview. At the end of his last session of Castiel's class before the exam, he pulled out his cell phone while he was packing up his things and discovered a voicemail notification. Tapping the call button, he put the phone to his ear. 

_Hello, Dean. This is Ava from the tutoring office. We've reviewed your application and spoken to your reference, and we'd like you to come in for a brief interview. If the interview goes well, we're prepared to offer you a position. If you could please call us back at your earliest convenience, we'll set something up. Thanks, Dean._

The message clicked off, and Dean looked up, grinning triumphantly at Castiel, who was still at the front of the hall. Dean glanced around briefly and noted the otherwise-empty room before he spoke. 

“Thanks, Cas,” he said aloud. 

Castiel looked up from the papers in front of him with a smile. “For what, Dean?” he asked. 

“Just got a voicemail from the tutoring office. They want me to come in for an interview. Said they talked to you.” 

Castiel inclined his head in acknowledgement. “I did speak to someone from the office the other day, yes. I'm glad to hear that they called, Dean. When are you interviewing?” he asked. 

“I'm not sure. As soon as I'm out of here, I have to give them a call. I guess they want to make sure they don't book it for when I'm supposed to be writing an exam or something,” he said, standing up and pulling his bag over his shoulder. “I, uh, should probably go do that.” 

“Of course, Dean,” Castiel said. “Let me know how it goes when you get a chance. My office hours will remain in effect until the end of the exam period.” 

Dean nodded. “Thanks, Cas. I will,” he said, surprising himself with how easily the nickname now rolled off his tongue. It seemed to make Castiel smile too, which sent a little rush of pleasure through Dean. Dean waved as he left the classroom, walking outside to a quiet area of the quad to pull out his phone and make the call. 

After picking up Ben at daycare that afternoon, Dean got home with a smile on his face. 

“What are you so cheerful about?” Lisa asked after hugging Ben hello and hearing about his adventures at daycare. 

“Got a job interview. Working at the tutoring centre,” Dean said, unable to keep the pride from his voice. 

“Oh,” Lisa said, her voice unimpressed “Good. That's great, Dean,” she said. “You still gonna be able to pick up Ben at daycare?” 

Dean rolled his eyes. He hadn't exactly expected her to be overly excited, but he'd thought she might at least have it in her to be happy for him. 

“Probably,” he said. “My interview's in two days and I'll know more then, but since it's a student job they work around my schedule.” 

Lisa nodded. “Fine. I'm glad you found something, Dean, really,” she said. “You guys are late and I was getting hungry, so there's a frozen pizza cooking in the oven. I hope that's okay for dinner.” 

“Pizza's great,” Dean said quietly. He couldn't stop the voice in the back of his head that was whispering, _Cas was happy for you._

_*****_

 

Three days after his math final, Dean walked towards Castiel's office. He knocked quickly when he arrived, feeling far less nervous than he usually did. At the greeting from inside, he opened the door quickly and stepped into the office. 

“Hi Cas,” he said, suddenly feeling nervous now that he was here. 

“Hello Dean,” Cas replied, a smile crossing his face. “What can I do for you?” he asked. 

“Well,” Dean started, “I wanted to tell you...I got the tutoring job. I start on the second day of next term.” Dean grinned widely. “They said they don't normally hire second years, they prefer upper level students because they have a wider range of courses they can tutor, but...but apparently, you spoke so highly of me that they decided to give me a chance.” He blushed. “I'm sure they just didn't have enough applicants or something so they went with me, but it was nice to hear. And, well, thank you for giving me a good reference.” 

Castiel's smile widened as Dean spoke. “I was happy to do so, Dean. You're an excellent student and as I said before, I think you'll make an excellent tutor. Congratulations. It's well deserved.” He turned back to his computer briefly and tapped a few buttons before turning back to Dean. “Would you like some more good news?” he asked. 

Dean chuckled. “I never complain about good news,” he said. 

“Well, then how's this,” Castiel said. “You scored 95% on your final, setting you at an A overall in the course. Well done, Dean.” 

Dean couldn't stop his mouth from dropping open slightly in shock. “I...what? Are you serious?” he asked. 

“Completely,” Cas said, amusement teasing at the corners of his lips. 

Excitement taking over, Dean laughed. “Thanks, Cas. Thanks...a lot. For everything.” 

Castiel shrugged. “It was all you, Dean.” 

Dean shook his head quickly. “No way. I haven't done this well in math in a long time. You're a great teacher, Cas, really,” he said, his voice becoming more serious. “I really liked your class. Thanks.” 

Cas nodded. “Thank you, Dean. That's kind of you to say,” he said, the smile still present on his face. 

“Well,” Dean said, struggling to think of a reason to linger in Cas' office and coming up short, “I guess I should probably go...I'm sure you have work to do. Um. Thanks again, Cas.” 

“Congratulations, Dean. This is all very well deserved. Come see me sometime next semester, if you can, let me know how things are going.” 

Dean's heart felt like it skipped a beat at Cas' words. _He wants me to come see him when I don't have a class with him,_ he thought before realising he'd been silent just a few beats too long. 

“Ah, yeah. I will. Thanks, Cas,” he said, smiling as his eyes drifted over Cas' face to rest briefly on his lips. Wrenching his eyes away from where they had no business being, Dean turned to open the door. “Have a good holiday,” he said, chancing a glance behind him. 

“You as well, Dean. I'll see you soon, I hope,” Castiel replied. Dean swallowed hard and nodded before speaking again. 

“Yeah, hopefully,” was all he said before stepping through the door and closing it quickly behind him. 

*****

Christmas vacation passed uneventfully for Dean. As usual at Christmas, he found himself grateful – for the only time of the year – that Lisa had a lot of family living nearby, as they were able to spoil Ben in ways that Dean wanted to but that he and Lisa simply couldn't manage. He could have done without the constant nagging and judgement from all of them, but he was grateful for what they did for Ben. Selfishly, he could never quite fight back the thought that it was Lisa's family which really cemented for Dean that Ben would be better off with Lisa should Dean ever manage to get a divorce. She would have support and help that Dean simply didn't, since his only family was his younger brother, who had just graduated from college halfway across the country. Although Dean couldn't help but resent Lisa for that fact, he knew that, whatever happened in the end, it had to be what was best for Ben, and he also knew that that would be found with Lisa and her wide support system. 

A few days before New Year's, Dean had gone out grocery shopping while Lisa stayed home to play with Ben in the snow. Figuring he could use the excuse of long lines at the store to explain his delay returning, Dean decided to stop for coffee to allow himself a short break. He pulled into the parking lot of a Starbucks across the street from the grocery store and stepped inside, grateful for the warmth. He ordered and paid for his coffee, and after receiving it, glanced around to look for a free table to sit at. He couldn't stop the smile that came out when he spotted the back of a familiar dark-haired head at a table near the window. 

“Hey Cas,” he said, approaching the man. Castiel's head lifted quickly from his book, and he smiled widely at Dean. 

“Hello Dean,” he said, “Would you like to sit down?” 

Dean tried (and failed) to control the spread of his grin. “Thanks,” he said. “It's busy in here. How are you?” 

“I'm very well, thank you. How are you?” Castiel asked. 

“Ah, I can't complain. Are you enjoying the break?” Dean asked as he sat down, pulling off his coat and resting it on the back of the chair behind him. 

“It's been a bit hectic as a few of my brothers came to visit for Christmas, but they've finally gone back home,” Castiel replied. “So I think it's about to become much more enjoyable. At least for the few days left I have to relax before I need to prepare for my spring courses.” 

Dean nodded. “Yeah, I guess the holidays can be like that,” he paused for a minute, debating whether or not his next question was appropriate. _Fuck it,_ he thought. _He's not your teacher anymore, right?_ “How many brothers do you have? You mentioned a few visiting?” 

Castiel smiled. “Yes. I have...many brothers,” he said. “Catholic parents, you know, I have a large family. I'm out of touch with many of them now, however. We didn't get along terribly well. I still don't with most of them. Too much of my personality and fundamental beliefs...disagree, shall we say, with my upbringing. I get along best with my next-oldest brother, Gabriel. He was there, along with two of my other brothers who came along out of some sort of misguided sense of family duty.” 

Dean sipped his coffee, surprised by the long answer. “Sorry to hear you don't all get along that well. I hope it didn't suck too much having them there,” he said. “I don't really know what that's like, I've just got my kid brother, Sam. Well, I guess he's not really a kid anymore. He's four years younger than me, just graduated college himself. I always knew he'd beat me; he's the smart one of the two of us. Anyway, it was just the two of us growing up, mostly, so I can't say I totally get the big-family dynamic,” he said. 

“No, it didn't suck too much, as you say,” Cas said, humour sparkling in his eyes. “Gabriel is generally a good mediator, and when in doubt he'll usually take my side rather than our older brothers', so they generally let me be now.” 

Dean and Cas sat and talked for much longer than Dean intended. He only realised the time when his phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out to discover he'd been sitting there for an hour and he had an irritated – understandably, he had to admit – text message from Lisa asking where he was. He quickly texted her back, formulating some excuse about long line-ups and traffic and needing to stop for gas, before looking up at Cas sheepishly. 

“Wow I, uh, I guess I lost track of time. I've gotta go, Cas, I have some stuff to take care of at home,” he said. He felt his heart sink at the thought of leaving, and without thinking, he pulled out a scrap of paper from his jeans pocket and a pen from his jacket. He quickly scribbled on the paper and slid it across the table. “Maybe we could meet up again sometime,” he said, a blush rising in his cheeks as he realised what he was saying. “Uh, you know, if you wanted. If it's not weird. Ah, crap...” he mumbled the last two words to himself anxiously. “I'll, uh, see you in the new year, Cas. Thanks for the company.” He left quickly, before Cas could say anything. Outside, as he slid into the car, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket again. On his screen was a text from an unknown number. 

_I'd like that._

Dean slid his phone back into his pocket and chanced a glance up. He saw Castiel looking out the window at him, offering him a small wave when their eyes met. Dean waved weakly in return as he turned the key in the ignition. 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I am SO SORRY this took me forever to get up. Long story short, I had midterms and then some health problems and I wasn't able to write. BUT I should be back on schedule now. The next update shouldn't take nearly as long.

Dean spent the remainder of the winter break sneaking glances at his stubbornly silent phone every opportunity he could. The university was closed for the first week of January due to New Year's Day being on a Tuesday (something about scheduling and exam schedules and really Dean didn't care all that much if it meant he got an extra week off school) and the time crept by. Dean kept busy playing with Ben and trying to help out around the house, but he could never quite get his mind off the text message he was hoping to receive. He remained disappointed (irrationally, because Cas was probably just being nice at the coffee shop) until the day before classes started, when his phone beeped loudly. He snatched it up and saw Cas' name flashing across the screen with a message notification. 

_Hello, Dean. I'm sorry for not contacting you sooner, but my lesson planning took more time than I expected. If you have time in your schedule tomorrow, perhaps you'd like to meet again for coffee? I'd like to hear about what classes you have this term. Let me know. -Cas._

Dean grinned at the way Cas signed off the text, as though Dean wouldn't know who it was from. As he rifled through his binder to check his schedule for the new term. He felt a little thrill of excitement rush through him as he pressed the reply button to tell Cas what time he was free. 

*****

 

Dean's first class the next day was Physics, which dragged by. Dean was grateful that it was entirely introductory material and going over the course syllabus because he couldn't concentrate on anything the professor had to say. He was scheduled to get together with Castiel at the campus coffee shop directly after this class as he had a fairly extended break before his second class of the day. When the ninety minutes was finally up, he shut his binder hurriedly and shoved it in his bag. Slinging his backpack over one shoulder, he left the room quickly and headed across campus. 

When Dean arrived, he saw Cas already sitting at a table inside. Dean grinned when Cas glanced over and caught sight of him, sending him a small wave of acknowledgement. Dean ordered quickly and filled his travel mug, stopping briefly at the condiment counter before joining Cas at the small table he'd occupied. 

“Hi,” Dean said as he sat down, mentally smacking himself. _Smooth, Dean,_ he thought. _You sound positively brilliant with that opening line._

Castiel simply smiled at him. “Hello, Dean. How is your first day back going?” 

Dean nodded. “Not bad. I've only had one class – physics – so far. Um, how about you?” 

One corner of Castiel's mouth quirked up slightly more. “Ah, I don't actually start teaching until tomorrow. I got lucky this term and don't have any Monday classes.” Dean's heart started to beat a little bit faster at the implication of Castiel's words. He didn't have to be on campus at all today. He was here...to see _him?_ Dean blinked for a second, attempting to clear his head before responding. 

“Oh, lucky you,” Dean said, forcing a casual smile. “Just getting your office ready, then?” he asked, trying to work out if his initial thought was true. 

Castiel shrugged. “I did drop off a few things, since I was here, but no, I didn't have much setting up to do.” Dean swallowed hard. Castiel had come to campus _to see him._ Dean couldn't quite process what to do with this information, so he filed it away in his brain before changing the subject. 

“So, um, you were asking about my classes. I have physics, chemistry, and two engineering courses this term,” he said quickly. 

“That's quite the workload,” Castiel said. “I'm impressed.” 

“It shouldn't be too bad. At least I don't have any math classes this term,” he joked, winking at Cas. 

A serious look crossed Cas' face for a second before he grinned. “At least there's that,” he said. Dean couldn't help but wonder what the serious look had been about. It had seemed as though Castiel was contemplating something. “How many more of your math requirements do you have to complete, Dean?” Cas asked him, the question startling Dean out of his thoughts. 

“Oh, uh,” Dean paused for a minute, thinking. “Just one math-exclusive one, I think. Math...337? I think that's the one,” he said. “Other than that it's just practical stuff, the math I'll use in chem and physics and engineering.” 

Castiel nodded. “That's great. I know math is not your favourite part of your major,” he said, and Dean couldn't help but hear an oddly happy note in Cas' voice when he said that. 

“Not really,” Dean said slowly. “I loved your class, though.” Castiel glanced down at his nearly-empty coffee mug, a slightly embarrassed smile on his face. He cleared his throat gently before speaking again. 

“So how was the rest of your break?” he asked. 

“Pretty uneventful,” Dean said. “I don't have a lot of friends, honestly, so I mostly stuck around home. How was yours?” 

“Much the same, I'm afraid. I do always plan to get out more often, but it doesn't quite seem to work out the way I would like.” 

*****

They sat in the shop for nearly two hours, both ignoring their long-empty cups after half an hour. When Dean finally glanced at the time, he sighed, the smile falling from his face. 

“I should go,” he said. “I've got class in twenty minutes, and I've got to get to the other side of campus.” 

Castiel's face fell slightly, a change from the laugh he'd been sharing with Dean just before. He nodded. 

“Alright. Thank you for meeting with me, Dean,” Cas said. 

“No, thank you,” Dean said. “I mean, you didn't even have to be on campus today...” he started before shutting his mouth quickly. He hadn't meant to bring that up. He stood up quickly, unable to ignore the way his knee brushed against Cas' under the small table as he moved. He picked up his backpack, slipping his empty travel mug into the side pocket before pulling the bag over his shoulder. 

“I'll see you later, Cas,” he said quickly, trying to turn away before Cas could see the blush rising in his cheeks. A hand on his wrist stopped him mid-turn. 

“See you soon, Dean,” Cas said quietly. 

*****

Dean spent the rest of the day in a kind of dream state. He glided through his last two classes, picked up Ben, and then drove home. 

“You're in a good mood,” Lisa commented after Ben was in bed. 

“Yup. Good profs this term,” Dean said noncommittally. Lisa nodded and left the room, saying something about calling her mom. Dean sat down at the table, opening his physics textbook with the intent to start his reading, but he couldn't concentrate. All he could think was _Cas came to campus to see you._ He shut his textbook again and walked to the living room. He flopped onto the couch on his back and pulled out his phone. He stared at the blank screen for a minute, contemplating the sanity of what he was about to do, before unlocking the screen and opening a new text message. 

_Hey Cas._

There was a short moment of silence before the return message came in. 

> _Hello Dean. Is there something I can do for you?_

Dean screwed up his face slightly, beginning to regret his decision. Perhaps he was reading too much into the events at the coffee shop today? 

_Nah, not really. Just bored, thought I'd say hey. Sorry if I'm bugging you._

_ >You could never bug me._

Dean's breath stilled for a moment when he read the response. He paused before quickly typing in a response and hitting the send key before he could question himself. 

_They're showing the first Star Trek movie at the theatre this weekend. Some kind of one- time thing. Was thinking of going. Wanna come?_

He held his breath as he waited for Cas' answer. 

> _I've never seen Star Trek. I would like that._

Dean bit his lip in an attempt to keep himself from grinning too widely. 

_Great._

He realised after he send that message that he should probably let Cas know the details, so he tapped out another message to send immediately after that one. 

_It's Friday at seven. That work for you?_

> _Yes, that is fine. Would you like to meet at six and have something to eat first?_

Dean swallowed hard. 

_Sure. The little burger place by the theatre?_

> _I love burgers._

Dean's heart was pounding as he sent off the last message. 

_Alright. I guess I'll see you at six on Friday then. I should get some reading done._

_ >I'm looking forward to it. I'll see you Friday, Dean. If not before. _

Dean dropped his phone on his outstretched thighs and covered his face with his hands. He wasn't sure, but it seemed like he had a date on Friday. 

With Cas. 

*****

The rest of the week passed excruciatingly slow. Dean's first two shifts at the tutoring centre went well, though they were quiet since nobody was really stressing out about their classes yet. Still, getting paid to sit and do his own homework as long as there was nobody else in the centre was a pretty good deal as far as Dean was concerned. When Friday afternoon came around, he picked up Ben and headed home in a hurry, wanting to take a shower and change before meeting Cas. He was surprised at how quickly he'd been able to clear the outing with Lisa, who'd readily agreed to his going out for the evening. A nagging voice inside of him said she was just happy to have him out of her hair, but he didn't really care. When five-thirty rolled around, he pulled on his faded brown leather jacket and took a quick look in the bedroom mirror to double check how he looked. Grinning at the sight before him (Dean had no false modesty; he was attractive and he knew it), he grabbed his keys off the dresser and headed to the door. 

“I'm heading out,” he called, more for Ben's sake and general courtesy than anything else. Ben came running to him, wrapping his arms around his father's leg. 

“Where ya going, daddy?” He asked. Dean grinned and leaned over to pick up the small boy, hugging him tightly. 

“Gonna go see a movie with my friend. I'll be back tonight after you're in bed, and I'll see you in the morning, okay buddy?” 

Ben wrapped his arms tightly around Dean's neck in response. “Kay. See ya tomorrow daddy. I'm gonna go watch my show now,” he said, squirming to be put down and running into the living room as soon as Dean acquiesced. Dean grinned. 

“When are you going to be home?” Lisa asked, stepping into the kitchen. 

“Not sure. Eleven maybe? Might grab a drink after the movie. Won't be late though.” Dean's voice had lost the cheerful cadence it always held when he was talking to Ben. 

“Fine,” Lisa said. “Have fun.” 

“Yeah. You too,” Dean said before turning, opening the front door, and leaving. 

*****

Dean arrived at the restaurant fifteen minutes early, but he stood outside for only five minutes before Cas approached. 

“Hey,” Dean said. “Couldn't get parking nearby?” He asked, acknowledging the fact that Castiel was on foot. 

“Hello Dean,” Castiel replied. “No, I walked. I live close by.” 

Dean nodded. “Bit chilly, though,” he said. 

Cas shrugged. “I don't mind the cold much.” 

Dean grinned. “Hey, whatever gets ya going. Wanna head in?” He asked. Cas nodded. They turned towards the entrance and went into the restaurant, both smiling happily at the warmth and the smell of burgers. 

They ate slowly, as they had plenty of time before the movie started. The conversation flowed easily between them, with Castiel's infectious laugh coming out more and more frequently. Dean tried not to think about the rush of happiness that flowed through him whenever Castiel laughed at one of his jokes. They left the restaurant twenty minutes before the movie started and walked next door to the theatre. If they walked a half-step closer than was probably appropriate, Dean wasn't going to mention it. Cas stepped up to the ticket window first. 

“Two for the Star Trek showing please,” he said to the teenaged girl behind the window. Dean opened his mouth to protest but Cas shook his head as he slid the money across the counter to her and accepted the tickets in return. As they entered the theatre, Dean glared half-seriously at Cas. 

“You didn't have to do that,” he said. 

“I wanted to,” Cas retorted. 

“I invited _you_ out, you know,” Dean teased. 

“So?” Cas said. Dean glared again. This had never been defined by either of them as a _date,_ and Dean didn't want to rush to any judgements, so he was reluctant to apply what little dating etiquette he knew to the situation. 

“Fine,” he said. “But I'm buying the popcorn,” he continued with a wink before dashing into the concession line. “Go get us some seats?” Castiel rolled his eyes and handed him his ticket before heading towards the theatre where their movie was showing. 

Dean definitely did not have to be called to the counter three times by the bored teenaged boy standing there because he was staring at Castiel's ass as he walked away. Definitely not.

Dean entered the theatre carrying a huge bucket of popcorn. He scanned the half-full room carefully, before spotting Cas about halfway up. He waved and headed over, sneaking around a few people's legs before settling into the seat next to Castiel, who eyed the bucket of popcorn suspiciously. 

“Dean, we both just ate enormous burgers,” he said slowly. 

“Dude, this is popcorn. The popcorn compartment is totally different from the dinner compartment. Trust me,” he said with a grin. Castiel smiled at him, mouth open slightly as if to respond, just as the lights went down in the theatre. Dean and Castiel both leaned back slightly in their seats, facing the screen rather than each other. Dean tried to focus on the movie rather than distracting warmth of Cas' arm brushing against his on the armrest between their seats. 

*****

They left the theatre a couple of hours later, laughing. As they headed out the doors, Castiel was staring at the empty bucket Dean still held in his hands in surprise. 

“I really can't believe we ate all of that,” he said, amusement and surprise mixing in his eyes. 

“Told you, man. Popcorn compartment is a whole different deal. You really don't get out much, huh?” Dean replied. Castiel gave him a small smile. 

“No, not often,” he said. “It's been a couple of years since I've seen a movie in the theatres, to be honest. I usually just wait until I can buy them.” 

Dean's jaw dropped. “Man, that's practically a crime. We'll have to get you out more often,” he said. 

“I'd like that,” Cas said. They passed a garbage can and Dean tossed the empty popcorn bucket into it, shoving his hands into his pockets. He was reluctant to end the night, but he couldn't tell if Cas was done or not. They stood outside the theatre for a minute in awkward silence before Cas spoke first. 

“Dean, there's a pub around the corner...it's often quiet...would you like to get a drink before we go home?” He asked slowly. Dean grinned. 

“Yeah, Cas. I think I would,” he said. Castiel smiled at him. 

“It's this way,” he said, inclining his head to the right. “Come with me, I'll show you.” Dean followed behind him, walking quickly until he was beside Cas. Less than five minutes later, they were standing inside a small bar. It was almost entirely wood on the inside, and it had a comfortable (and decidedly non-creepy, which was strange in this part of town) air about it. They found an empty table and sat down and were approached quickly by a petite blonde girl with short hair. 

“Hi there, boys. What can I get for ya?” Her voice was cheerful as she greeted them both but her eyes were clearly on Dean. He shifted slightly uncomfortably. 

“Uh, beer for me. Whatever you've got on tap's good,” he answered, hoping to get rid of the girl quickly. 

“Same for me,” Castiel said. 

“Sure thing, be right back with that for you,” the girl said, turning quickly and walking away. 

“I believe she was interested in you, Dean,” Castiel said. 

Dean smirked. “Yeah, I kinda got that vibe too. Gotta say, though, she's not really my type,” he replied, watching Castiel's reaction and noting his hard swallow before he responded to Dean. 

“What is your type?” He asked, his voice slightly lower than usual. 

Dean bit his lip, feeling like they were on the edge of something. “Well - “ he started just as the blonde waitress returned. 

“Here you go, boys!” She said brightly, effectively cutting Dean off and setting the drinks in front of them. “You let me know if I can do anything else for you,” she said, putting emphasis on the _anything_ as she looked at Dean. “Name's Meg, just shout.” 

Dean gave her a tight smile. “Think we're good for now, Meg, thanks,” he said with a nod. She turned away, but not before Dean caught her rolling her eyes. Dean turned back to face Cas. 

“So...what'd you think of the movie?” He asked, steering the conversation away from their earlier, exponentially more dangerous topic of conversation. 

*****

Two hours and several beers later, they stood up, dropping money onto the table and heading out of the bar, their conversation stilted through the haze of alcohol. 

“Dean, you can't drive,” Cas said. 

“I can't walk home. Too far,” Dean said. 

“Crash at my place. I have a spare room.” 

“Kay.” He pulled out his phone, still having enough presence of mind to remember to text Lisa. 

_Had a few too many. Crashing at friend's. Can't drive. Back in the morning._

He sent the message and slid his phone back into his pocket, following Castiel as he turned towards his apartment building. Cas hadn't been kidding about the short walk, and they moved as quickly as they could, talking and joking around. They reached Cas' building in short order and Cas pulled out his keys, fumbling with them for a moment before sliding them into the lock. They got inside and went upstairs, Cas leading the way to his apartment. They stepped inside quickly and began to pull off their shoes. Dean simply kicked his off but Cas bent over to untie his and fell forward, stumbling towards Dean who reached out instinctively to steady the other man. When Cas finally stopped, he was crouched down, Dean bent very close in front of him with one hand on each of Castiel's shoulders. They stood up slowly, Dean's hands not leaving their spots. They stood in silence for a moment, staring at one another. Suddenly, Dean dropped his hands. 

“So, uh. Nice place,” he said quickly. “I hate to crash and dash but I should probably sleep. That okay?” he asked. 

Castiel nodded. “Of course. Spare room's over here,” he said, gesturing and leading the way. Dean followed him, stepping into the room when Cas pushed open the door. He turned around again. 

“Hey Cas?” He asked slowly. He wasn't sure exactly what he was going to say, but in his half-drunk state he figured he'd wing it. 

“Yes Dean?” Cas asked. 

“Thanks. Had a great night,” Dean said, smiling. 

Cas smiled in response. “Me too. Should do it again sometime. Maybe less beer.” 

Dean chuckled. “Yeah. Maybe.” His eyes flickered to Castiel's lips as he leaned against the doorframe. “G'night, Cas.” 

“Good night, Dean,” Castiel responded. 

*****

The next morning, Dean woke up with a start At first confused as to where he was and next why he was spread across an unfamiliar bed still in his clothes. The events of the night came back to him fairly quickly and he blushed, grateful for his solitary position in the room as he remembered that he was at _Castiel's apartment._ And that for a long moment last night he'd seriously considered _kissing Cas._ Which, in the now-sober morning light, was of course crazy. 

That didn't change the fact that he really, _really_ wished he had done it. He sat up and climbed slowly off the bed, grateful that he seemed to have avoided any kind of hangover. He stepped quietly out of the room, not wanting to wake Cas if he was still asleep. He realised Cas hadn't shown him where the bathroom was, and now that he was fully awake he was fairly desperate. He knew the front door was to the right, and he didn't remember seeing the bathroom en route from there, so he headed left. The short corridor took him into the living room, and he could see that both the kitchen and the bathroom adjoined the small living room. He could smell coffee in the kitchen and grinned, deciding he'd say good morning before heading to the bathroom. He turned to enter the kitchen and stopped dead in his tracks. 

Castiel was in the kitchen, pouring coffee into two mugs and clad only in loose-fitting pyjama pants and a beat-up grey AC/DC shirt. Dean coughed slightly, trying to gain control of his thoughts as he took in the other man's appearance. Castiel set the coffee pot down and turned quickly. 

“Good morning, Dean,” he said, his voice and tone as even as if he was addressing Dean at school. “I hope you were comfortable last night.” 

“Uh, yeah. Great. Thanks, Cas, for letting me crash. I, uh, definitely couldn't have driven last night,” he said. “Um, I'll be back in _just_ a second though, gotta use the bathroom,” he said, feeling slightly embarrassed. He turned quickly and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him and taking a few deep breaths to steady himself before stepping further into the bathroom. 

He exited a few minutes later and found Cas sitting on the couch, the two steaming mugs of coffee sitting on the coffee table in front of him. Dean sat down slowly beside him. 

“Thanks for the coffee,” he said, leaning forward to pick up the mug that he recognised as being for him and thinking that it was a good thing they took their coffee differently. 

“No problem. I hope I didn't wake you,” Castiel replied, picking up his own coffee. 

“Nah, I woke up on my own. Don't worry about it,” he said with a smile. They eased back into a casual conversation as Dean relaxed slightly. When they finished their coffees, though, he glanced down at his empty mug with regret. 

“I should go,” he said. “People are expecting me home.” 

Cas nodded. “I understand,” he said. “Thank you for going to the movie with me last night,” he added, standing up behind Dean and following him to the kitchen to drop off their mugs in the sink and then to the front door. 

“Nah, man, thank you. I wanted to go see it but didn't have anyone to go with.” 

“Yes, well, I haven't been out in quite a while and it was very enjoyable,” Castiel replied, his voice quiet. “I did mean what I said, Dean. I'd like to do it again some time.” Dean bit his lip as he slid his feet into his running shoes. “Yeah, me too, Cas,” he said. “It was fun.” He turned towards the front door and suddenly Castiel was _there,_ not two inches away from him. “Woah...” Dean said quietly as he stopped suddenly to keep from running into the slightly shorter man. He bit his lip, trying (unsuccessfully) to keep his eyes from drifting to Castiel's lips as Dean slipped past him. He swallowed hard as he opened the apartment door and turned to face Cas one more time. 

“See ya soon, Cas,” he said. 

“See you soon, Dean,” Castiel replied. They stared at each other for a moment before Dean turned and closed the door behind him, walking quickly downstairs and out of the apartment building, turning back towards the movie theatre where he'd left his car the night before. As he walked, his phone beeped in his pocket. He unlocked it as he removed it and looked at the display. It was from Cas. 

_> Coffee Monday?_

Dean smiled.


	4. Chapter 4

As the semester continued, Dean and Castiel fell into a routine of sorts. They had coffee together on Monday mornings during Dean's class break, and on Friday nights they went to the movie theatre. Dean had managed to keep himself from any other near-kisses, but the more he got to know the professor the harder he was starting to fall. He'd learned that Castiel, in addition to reading anything he could get his hands on, liked classical music, pasta, and Looney Tunes cartoons. He wasn't a big fan of chocolate, but he loved caramel. He laughed a lot when he was comfortable in a situation, and he was an excellent listener. 

He also had no idea that Dean was married. 

Dean wasn't sure why he hadn't mentioned Lisa. Despite the way Castiel looked at him sometimes (and god, the things those eyes did to him), Dean was sure the other man wasn't interested in him beyond friendship, so it shouldn't have made a difference. Still, Dean didn't say anything. It was possible, he thought, that he wanted to stay in his happy little dream world where he was good enough for Cas, where he might have a chance with him, and he didn't want to shatter that by bringing reality into the situation. He knew that probably made him a really terrible person, and definitely not worthy of spending time with Cas, but there it was. He felt bad, but in what he was sure was just another mark of his total lack of morals, what he felt bad about was lying to Cas. Not about the fact that he was ignoring his marriage. In truth, Dean hadn't felt married in a very long time. He hadn't worn his wedding ring in months, and he and Lisa were still barely speaking beyond what was absolutely necessary. He knew it didn't make it right, but as the days passed he was finding it harder to care. 

*****

Three weeks after the _Star Trek_ showing, Dean picked up his phone with a sigh to text Castiel. 

_Hey Cas. I'm rly sorry but I gotta cancel movie night this week._

He knew Cas was in office hours and would answer quickly, so he didn't bother setting his phone down. Sure enough, it buzzed in his hand a moment later. 

_> Oh. :( Are you okay? _

Dean bit his lip, trying not to be too happy about Cas' obvious disappointment. 

_I'm fine. But I picked up an extra shift in the tutoring centre today and I have a big test next week that i rly gotta study for._

There was a somewhat longer pause this time before Cas responded. 

_> Would you like to come over instead? You could study at my apartment. I'll put a movie on in the background._

Dean's heart started beating double-time as he read Cas' proposal. Against his better judgement, he started typing in a response. 

_Yeah. That'd be fun. Usual time? I'll bring pizza._

_ >Make sure there's some kind of vegetable on it ;)_

_Yeah, yeah. See you tonight, Cas._

_ >See you tonight, Dean. _

Dean set his phone down on the table beside his binder, failing entirely at stopping the grin from taking over his face. 

*****

At six that evening, Dean was pressing the buttons to buzz into Cas' apartment, his backpack hanging heavily from his shoulders and a hot pizza box clutched between his free hand and his hip. 

“ _Hello?”_ came Cas' voice, tinny through the speaker. 

“Hey Cas! Just me,” Dean said. 

_“Hello, Dean,”_ Cas said. Dean heard a beep and then a click, and the door buzzed, signalling he could open it. He pulled it open quickly and headed upstairs to Cas' apartment. 

When Dean reached Cas' floor, he saw the apartment door already open and Cas standing in the doorway. 

“Here, let me take that,” he said, reaching out to take the pizza box from Dean's hands as Dean approached the door. 

“Thanks,” Dean said appreciatively, following Cas inside. “Sorry I had to change the plans for tonight.” 

“That's fine, Dean. This will be fun too,” Cas said, smiling at him. Dean bit at the inside of his lip, trying to ignore the embarrassing floppy thing his stomach had started doing every time Castiel smiled at him. Dean kicked off his shoes and they walked towards the kitchen table. There were already plates set out on it for the pizza, and there were two bottles of beer beside them. 

“You're a saint,” Dean said, grinning at him before sitting down in one of the chairs. Castiel sat beside him, flipping open the pizza box as he did and peering inside. He looked up at Dean. 

“What's on this?” he asked. 

“Chicken, green peppers, and pineapple. I hope that's okay,” Dean said. 

“It sounds delicious,” Cas assured him. Dean smiled, and they both pulled slices of pizza from the box, cracking open their beers before starting to eat. 

They chatted easily while they ate, catching up on how their weeks had gone since they hadn't had much chance to talk. After an hour, the pizza was gone and Dean let out a sigh. 

“Ugh, I guess I should start studying. What movie are you going to put on?” He asked. 

“I thought I'd put on _The Fellowship of the Ring_ ,” Cas said. 

Dean nodded. “Cool. That should make for good background noise,” he said, standing up and picking up their plates to put them in the sink before following Cas into the living room. He pulled his textbook out from his backpack and opened it up, lying on his stomach on the floor while Cas curled up on the couch, fiddling with the remote for the DVD player. 

It wasn't long into the movie before Dean realised he really wasn't getting anything accomplished. He shut his book quickly and sat up, moving to sit on the couch, leaning against the arm of it. Castiel looked at him, his head tilting to the side quizzically. 

“Ah, I'm not really getting anything done. I'll do some extra studying tomorrow. I'd rather watch the movie,” Dean said. 

Cas smiled. “Are you sure?” 

“Positive,” Dean replied, grinning. Cas' smile widened, his eyes not leaving Dean's face for a long minute before they both seemed to realise that they were staring and quickly turned to face the television again. Dean could have sworn he felt Castiel scoot a couple of inches closer to him on the couch, but if he did, Dean wasn't going to be the one to say anything about it. 

By the end of the movie, Dean had dozed off, curled up on his side against the arm of the couch. He woke slightly when he felt something tickling at his side, batting it away and mumbling under his breath. The tickling stopped briefly but then resumed, more insistently this time. 

“Deaaaan,” Cas said, his voice drawing out Dean's name as his fingers continued to poke into Dean's side. “You need to wake up, sleepyhead.” 

“Mmmrrrghh...” Dean grumbled. He rolled slightly so that he was on his back and opened his eyes, startling slightly when Castiel's bright blue eyes were right above him. “Cas!” He exclaimed, his heartbeat speeding up. 

“Hey there, sleeping beauty,” Cas said jokingly. 

“Uh, sorry man, I didn't mean to fall asleep, I just, uh,” Dean stammered, his mind and voice still groggy from sleep. 

Cas shook his head. “Dean, it's okay. I heard about your week, I'm not surprised you're exhausted. We didn't have to hang out if you were too tired.” 

“Wanted to see you,” Dean muttered quietly, still too groggy to even have the sense to be embarrassed by his words. 

“I'm glad,” Castiel said. The next thing Dean knew, Cas had lowered his head and tentatively pressed his lips to Dean's. Dean breathed in sharply, not expecting the touch, before relaxing and returning the kiss. One hand circled up behind Cas' head to cup the back of his neck, while the other ran along Cas' arm, which was palm-down on the couch to support his weight above Dean. They kissed slowly for a few minutes, tongues sweeping along one another exploring before pulling apart. Cas sat back and Dean sat himself more upright, shifting slightly to try and hide the growing bulge in his jeans. 

“Wow,” Dean said, swallowing hard. 

“Yeah,” Cas replied. “I didn't plan that, I hope you know.” 

“Please tell me you're not apologising for that, Cas,” Dean chuckled. 

Cas blushed. “Okay. I'm not,” he said, laughing. 

“Good,” Dean said. Tearing his eyes away from Castiel's for a minute, he glanced at the clock on the DVD player. “Damn it,” he muttered. “This is incredibly shitty timing. And clearly we need to talk. But...I gotta go. I should've been home about an hour ago,” he said. 

Cas nodded. “I understand. I didn't intend for you to be late.” 

“It's fine,” Dean smiled. He leaned forward to kiss Cas lightly again. “But I do need to head out now. I'm just going to use the bathroom first,” he said, standing up from the couch and going into the bathroom. He heard the beep of his text alert going off and patted his jeans pockets, but they were empty. 

“Must've fallen out on the couch,” he muttered to himself, shrugging before using the toilet and washing his hands. When he stepped out of the bathroom a minute later, Cas was standing right outside of the door, holding his phone. 

“Are you fucking with me?” Castiel's voice was quieter and even rougher than usual. 

Dean stared at him in confusion. “Cas?” He asked, his eyebrows raising in concern. 

“Your phone went off. It was sitting face up right in front of me, so I saw the message. Who's Lisa?” he asked. 

Dean's stomach sank. “Cas, I can -” he started. 

“ _Are you actually going to come home_?” Cas said snarkily, an edge to his voice Dean had never heard before. “Why the fuck are you leading me on, Dean? What is this fucking game you're playing at?” Cas' eyes were blazing with anger. 

“Cas, no, it's not like that. It's-” 

“Dean. Is Lisa your mother.” It wasn't a question. 

“No.” Dean's voice was quiet, his eyes dropping to the ground. 

“Your sister?” 

“No.” 

“Who is she?” 

Dean swallowed. “She's my wife. Technically. But I mean-”

“Get out,” Castiel growled. 

“Cas, let me explain, please!” Dean begged. 

“No. You lied to me. You led me on. Get the fuck out of my apartment. Now,” Cas said. Dean grabbed his backpack and took his phone from Cas before walking to the front door, sliding his feet into his shoes and reaching for the handle. He glanced over his shoulder, but Cas was nowhere nearby. Swallowing hard with tears in his eyes, Dean pulled the door open and left. 

*****

Dean tried multiple times over the next week to text Cas, but his messages remained unanswered. With each passing day, his mood became worse and he became increasingly snappish at home. On the Friday following the blowout with Cas, he texted Lisa and asked her to pick up Ben at daycare, saying that he needed to stay to do some research. She'd responded curtly but agreed. 

When Dean got home that evening, he was surprised to find the apartment dark. He unlocked the door in confusion and glanced around. He spotted a note taped to the fridge, written in Lisa's tidy script. 

_Dean,_

_I can't do it anymore. The fighting, and you've been distant for months, and this week you've been snapping at me and worse, Ben. I'm done. I'm out. Ben and I are staying at my mom's for the weekend. We'll be back Sunday night. Please pack your stuff and get out. I'll text you when I have stuff for you to sign._

_Lisa_

 

“Fuck,” Dean swore, kicking the fridge before dropping his forehead against the cool metal. 

*****

Dean spent Saturday slowly packing his things, tossing his clothes into a ragged old duffel bag he'd gotten from his father many years before and the few belongings that meant anything to him in a box. There was a pendant from his brother, a framed picture of himself and Ben, and a few books and records. He picked up the box and carried it outside, putting it carefully into the trunk of his car, and went back inside to grab the note Lisa had left as well as one of the thick extra blankets from the linen cupboard. He grabbed his backpack, which was sitting beside the door, as he stepped out of the apartment for the last time. Climbing into the driver's seat, he drove to the university and parked outside the library, not sure where else to go. He grabbed his backpack and went inside, finding a table quickly and pulled out his laptop, hoping to find an apartment he could afford. As he pulled up listings, the screen began to swim in front of him as tears filled his eyes. He jammed the heels of his hands against them, trying to force the tears back so he could focus. He swallowed hard and took a deep breath as he started to scroll through the listings. 

Four hours later he'd found a couple of potential apartments. They looked like total dives, but they were better than sleeping in his car, he figured. He'd tried calling both numbers listed for them, but he'd had no response and had left messages. He sighed as he saw a security guard approaching him. 

“Sorry son,” the man said. “We're closing up the library for the night. Going to have to pack up now.” 

Dean nodded. “Yeah, sorry. Just shutting my computer off. I'll be out of your hair in a sec,” he said slowly. He closed his laptop and slid it into his backpack, before picking up the bag and heading out to his car. He started the engine and started to drive, not sure where he was going. 

He ended up at a skeezy motel. It looked like it hadn't been maintained since it had been built sometime in the 1940s, but it was only $30 for the night and Dean wasn't ready to stoop to sleeping in his car yet. Accepting the room key from the grouchy-looking woman at the front desk, he went back out to the car to get his duffel bag and backpack and headed towards his room. When he got there, he opened the door, which got stuck halfway, and went inside after fixing it. It swung closed behind him and latched with a soft click. Dean dropped his bags on the floor and sat on the edge of the bed. He looked around the room at his surroundings and dropped his head into his hands. 

“Why do I always fuck everything up?” He said softly to himself. He lay back on top of the covers and stared at the ceiling, unable to stop the thoughts swirling around in his head. He lay there motionless for what felt like hours until he finally fell asleep. 

*****

When Dean woke up the next morning, he glanced at the ancient alarm clock sitting beside the bed. Ten AM. He sat up with a groan and twisted his body one way and the other, trying to stretch out his sore back, before getting up to take a shower to try to get rid of some of the feeling of the hotel comforter. It looked clean enough, but he had the distinct feeling that something was crawling on him. 

A few minutes later, Dean stepped out of the shower, feeling cleaner but with no more hope than when he'd fallen asleep the night before. He picked up his phone and unlocked it, but found no new messages. He sighed and with his last hope began to tap out a text message. 

_Cas. Please talk to me. Let me explain. I know I fucked up. But I can fix it. I'm sorry._

He dropped his phone back onto the bed, bending over to pick up his laptop and place it on the small table in the room, hoping to look at apartments again. When his phone beeped, he jumped and spun around. Snatching it up off the bed, he unlocked it quickly and read the message. 

_> How can you possibly fix it, Dean? You lied to me and led me on. _

_I didn't try to. I didn't mean to. Please. Meet with me for coffee? I'll explain everything. if you still hate me, I get it. And I'll leave you alone. You won't have to see me again._

Dean held his breath as he waited for a response from Cas, hoping against hope that he'd agree. 

_> 3:00. Starbucks by the university. _

Dean's eyes filled with tears of relief. 

_Thank you._

He set his phone back on the bed and sat in front of his computer, feeling marginally more optimistic than he had five minutes before. 

*****

At 2:55, Dean entered the Starbucks he and Cas had agreed upon. He glanced around and noticed that Castiel wasn't there yet, so he ordered coffee for both of them and sat down at an empty table near the door. Cas entered a moment later, and Dean called him over. 

“Cas, I got coffee for you,” he said, holding the cup out towards the other man. Cas came and sat in the chair across from him. 

“You didn't have to do that,” Cas said. 

“I wanted to,” Dean replied simply. 

They sat there for a moment, sipping their coffees and not saying anything. Finally, Dean took a deep breath. 

“Look, Cas...I'm sorry. Again. I know I've said it a thousand times in the messages I've sent you, but I am. I should have told you about Lisa, and I didn't. And I'm sorry for that. But...I haven't been “married” in a very long time. Things had been rough for ages, we'd been fighting and arguing and distant. I didn't act married because I didn't feel married. I wasn't leading you on. I really was,” he stopped himself. “Really _am_ into you, Cas. You make me laugh harder than I have in a long time. You make me think. You make me feel silly and giggly and a thousand other things that are way too embarrassing to say in public. I know I fucked up. But Lisa and I are over now. And if you can ever find it in you to give me a second chance...well, I don't know what I'd give for that,” he said quietly, his eyes dropping to the paper cup in his hands. 

Castiel was quiet for a long moment before he responded. “How do I know it's over?” He asked. Dean was prepared for this. He reached into his pocket and pulled out Lisa's note, sliding it silently across the table to Castiel. Cas unfolded it and read it slowly before refolding it and sliding it back to Dean. 

“Who's Ben?” Cas asked quietly. 

“My son. He's four.” Dean said. Cas let out a heavy breath. “Lisa is going to have custody of him. It's what's best for Ben.” 

Cas swallowed hard, not saying anything. Dean bit his lip, preparing himself for the worst, for Cas to stand up and leave, telling him to never contact him again; or worse, without saying anything at all. The silence was almost unbearable, when - 

“It's going to take a lot to make me trust you again, Dean,” Cas said, his voice more gravelly than usual. 

Dean dropped his face into his hands. “Does that mean you're willing to try and trust me? I'm not asking for things to go back to how they were. I know they can't. But you're my only real friend, Cas and,” his voice choked. “And I'd be lost if we couldn't at least try to be friends.” 

“We can try,” Castiel said quietly. “Despite the way I'm hurt, I have missed you this past week, Dean.” 

“I sent you messages,” Dean said softly. 

“I know. I couldn't respond. You understand.” 

Dean nodded. “I know I'm a piece of shit, Cas. But I'm gonna try to make it up to you. I swear.” 

They talked for an hour, catching up on each other's weeks, but the conversation was much slower and more stilted than it had ever been. Finally, Dean slid his chair back.   
“I shouldn't take anymore of your time today. But uh, I was wondering...do you wanna meet for our usual coffee tomorrow morning?” He asked hopefully. 

“I don't think that's a good idea,” Cas said. “I will text you when I am ready to spend time with you again, if that's alright.” 

Dean bit his lip and nodded. “Yeah. I get it. Thanks for meeting with me today, Cas. For letting me explain a little. I hope I can make it up to you someday.” He stood up and slid his jacket back over his shoulder, leaving the coffee shop quickly. As he turned the corner, he heard his name being called from behind him. He turned around, and saw Castiel standing there. Dean walked towards him slowly, Castiel meeting him halfway. Dean was surprised when Castiel wrapped his arms tightly around Dean's shoulders, pulling him into a hug. 

“I believe we'll get there,” Cas said quietly into Dean's ear. “I want to believe in you again, Dean.” He released Dean from his grasp and turned, walking quickly away and leaving Dean rooted in place, staring in shock at Castiel's retreating figure. 


	5. Chapter 5

Dean spent one more night in the hotel, but checked out on Monday morning when he left for school. He'd gone over his savings with a fine-toothed comb and found that he had just barely enough saved up to cover first month's rent and a damage deposit on one of the two tiny apartments he'd found, plus minimal food. Grateful for the thick blanket he'd grabbed, he drove to school with the distinct hope that he'd hear about one of the apartments that day and not end up having to sleep in his car that night. 

He wasn't so lucky. By the time he was kicked out of the library that night he hadn't heard from either person he'd called, and he'd tried calling both again. He packed up his things with a heavy sigh and headed out to his car. He drove around the neighbourhood aimlessly for a few minutes, trying to find somewhere he could park to sleep that wouldn't be totally obvious. He settled for the parking lot of a 24-hour diner, going in to get something small to eat before heading back out to his car and curling himself up on the back seat, the blanket wrapped tightly around him. Uncomfortable and still chilly despite the thick fleece, he closed his eyes and tried to sleep. 

Dean woke up the next morning with the sun shining on his face through the window of the car. He blinked and sat up, yawning and trying to stretch the kinks out of his back. Reaching up to rub the back of his stiff neck, he groaned when he pulled his phone from his pocket and looked at the time. 

“Six AM,” he muttered to himself. “Great. Looks like today's going to be a job for coffee.” He climbed out of the car, shoving the blanket back onto the back seat, and locked it before heading back into the diner to get a coffee to go. He regretted the decision as soon as he stepped inside the diner. Sitting at a small table near the door, looking more attractive than anyone dressed that way had the right to be, was Castiel. Far from his usual dress pants, shirt, and tie, he was wearing a pair of sweatpants with a zip-up sweater and the AC/DC t-shirt Dean had seen that morning he woke up at Cas' apartment. There was a cup of coffee and a bagel in front of him. Dean tried to turn around and leave, but the cheerful voice from the counter had already greeted him, drawing attention to his entry. He walked quickly to the counter, determined not to disturb Cas – he'd said he'd contact Dean when he was ready, after all. He ordered his coffee to go, as planned, and turned to leave the diner. 

“Hello Dean,” he heard as he placed his hand on the door to push it open. He dropped his hand and turned. 

“Hey, Cas,” he said, voice tight. “You're out and about early.” 

“I went for an early run today,” Castiel replied, pausing for a moment before adding, “would you like to join me?” 

Dean took a deep breath. He didn't think Castiel would have invited him to sit just to be polite, since he'd proven he had no problem telling Dean when he didn't want to see him. At the same time, though, Dean worried that he might be pushing it if he joined Cas. He hedged his bets. 

“I don't want to disturb you,” he said slowly. 

“You won't be.” 

Dean dropped his hand from the door and walked over to the table Castiel was sitting at, taking the seat across from him. 

“So, uh, how've you been?” he asked Cas. 

“I've been better,” Castiel said with a shrug. “But I've also been worse. And yourself?” 

“Oh, you know. Not terrible, all things considered,” he said, glossing over the truth of the situation. There was nothing in the world that was going to make him tell Cas he was currently sleeping in his car. 

“I saw your car when I got here. I was surprised when I didn't see you in the diner,” Castiel said. 

Fuck. “Oh, yeah. I stayed in my car for awhile before coming in,” Dean said slowly, determined not to lie but equally determined not to tell the whole truth. Castiel stared at him, clearly not buying it. Dean looked down at his coffee, trying to avoid Cas' intense gaze. 

“Dean.” It was just his name, but Dean had forgotten just how much Castiel was capable of conveying in a single word. Before he knew what he was doing, the story was spilling out of him. 

“I slept in my car last night, okay? Lisa said I had to be out by Sunday, and I stayed at a motel Saturday and Sunday night but couldn't really afford to stay another night and I haven't heard from either of the apartments I'm trying to get so I slept in my damn car, okay?” It came out in a rush, and before Castiel could respond, Dean kicked his foot against the leg of the chair he was sitting on and stood up. “And now that you're aware of yet another of my failures, I'm going to go.” He turned around and left quickly, ignoring Castiel calling his name from behind him as the door shut. 

*****

Dean was in class when his phone buzzed in his pocket. Grateful that he was sitting next to the door, he stood up and ducked out, quickly unlocking the phone and placing it to his ear. 

“Hello?” 

“ _Hey, is this Dean?”_

“Uh, yeah, who's this?” Dean asked, not recognising either the voice or the number on his call display. 

“ _Name's Ellen. You were interested in the apartment?”_

Dean breathed a sigh of relief. “Yes, definitely interested,” he said. 

“ _Right, so here's the deal. $325 per month, no pets, drugs, or smoking, utilities are included but yer on yer own for internet and cable if you want it. Apartment's furnished but I can get rid of the stuff if you've got yer own. Do ya wanna come have a look?”_

“Definitely,” Dean breathed. “And furnished would be great actually, the stuff can stay. Can I come by today? I'm at school right now but I'll be off in an hour, and I can come anytime after that.” 

_“You got it, kiddo. Apartment's above my bar – it's called the Roadhouse. Know where it is?”_

Dean did – he'd been there once or twice before. He nodded then felt stupid when he remembered Ellen couldn't see him. “Uh, yeah. I know where it is. Thanks a lot, Ellen. I'll see you a little later.” 

_“Bye, Dean.”_ Ellen ended the call with an abrupt click and Dean slipped his phone back into his pocket, excitement flipping his stomach. With any luck, he'd have an apartment by the end of the day. He remembered the ad now, although he hadn't recognised it was above the Roadhouse just from the address. The ad had said the apartment was available immediately though, so he hoped he'd be able to impress Ellen enough that she'd let him move in that night. That fact that it was furnished was a relief, too – he hadn't been sure what he'd do without at least a bed. He went back into the classroom and took his seat, willing the clock to move quickly. 

*****

An hour and a half later, Dean was pulling into the parking lot at the Roadhouse. He went inside and found it mostly empty due to the early hour. Dean was grateful; he wouldn't have wanted to pull Ellen away from the bar if it was busy. 

“You Dean?” he heard from behind him. He spun around to where he'd heard the voice coming from the corner. There was a blonde girl sitting there, a few years younger than Dean. There was a book open in front of her. 

“Yeah,” he said. “Uh...is Ellen around?” 

The girl shrugged. “Mom had to run out. She's gonna be back soon, but she told me to show you around the apartment. I'm Jo.” 

“Hey Jo,” he said. “Nice to meet you.” 

Jo smirked. “Yeah, likewise.” She stood up and gestured towards a door to the left of the bar. “C'mon. Stairs are over this way,” she said, pulling a set of keys from her pocket and unlocking the door, leading Dean up the narrow staircase. Halfway up, she turned around. “And no funny business, got it?” she said with a wink. 

Dean huffed out a laugh. “I don't think you've got anything to worry about,” he said. He really hoped he might get the place. Jo would be fun to have around. 

The apartment wasn't very big. Jo showed him the bedroom, bathroom, and open-plan kitchen/living room area in just a few minutes. 

“It's a little run down up here, but it's not a bad place,” she said. “And I bet mom'll give you a break on rent if you work a couple of shifts at the bar. You're cute, you'll get customers in.” She winked at him. 

Dean laughed again. “Yeah, I guess we'll see,” he said. A minute later there was a shout from downstairs. 

“Joanna Beth, where in the hell are you?” 

Jo rolled her eyes and poked her head out of the apartment door. “I'm upstairs, mom, showing Dean the apartment like you told me to,” she shouted. 

“Get your ass down here and watch the place so I can talk to him myself.” 

Jo grinned at Dean. “Catch ya later, Dean. I hope you get the place.” She ran down the stairs, and a moment later a woman joined him in the apartment. 

“So you're Dean, huh?” she said, fixing him with a stern stare. 

Dean swallowed hard. “Uh. Yes ma'am.” 

“If you want the place Dean, here's a tip: don't call me ma'am. Name's Ellen. I don't stand much on formality.” 

Dean grinned. “Sorry, Ellen.” 

“So what do you think of the place?” she asked. 

“It's great,” Dean said. “Small, but since it's just me that's perfect.” 

Ellen nodded. “What do you do, Dean?” 

“Uh, I'm a full time student at the university, and I work in the tutoring centre a couple of afternoons a week.” 

“What's your major?” she asked. 

“Engineering.” 

“Ambitious,” Ellen said. “Maybe you can kick Jo's ass into gear. She's a smart kid but she'd be happy workin' at the bar her whole life. I'd like her to go to college, though.” 

Dean grinned. “I'd be happy to talk to her if you want. I don't think seeing my work's going to inspire her much though...all the math and physics can be kind of intimidating if you're not interested in it.” 

“Fair enough,” Ellen replied. “I like you, Dean, you seem like a good kid. The place is yours if you want it.” 

Dean closed his eyes briefly as he breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks, Ellen. You don't know how much I needed this apartment. When can I move in?” 

“Whenever you want, kid,” Ellen said, eyeing him curiously. 

“How's now? I've got the first month's rent and a damage deposit for you.” Dean said, hoping he didn't sound too desperate. 

“Don't worry about the damage deposit. The place is run down as it is. But yeah, now's fine,” Ellen said. Dean grinned, relieved, and pulled out his wallet. He'd stopped at the bank on the way to the bar to pull out the money in cash. He counted out $325 and handed it to Ellen. 

“I'll go grab my stuff from my car,” he said. “Be right back.” 

“Sure. I'll get yer key ready while you're out,” Ellen replied. “Gonna be good to have you around, Dean. And if you ever wanna grab a shift at the bar, let me know. We'll work something out.” 

Dean headed outside to the Impala, sagging against it in relief when he reached the car. He took a few deep breaths, then opened the trunk and pulled out his box and duffel bag, slinging the bag over his shoulder and slamming the trunk closed before going inside again. Ellen was busy with a customer now that it was getting closer to dinnertime, so he just went straight upstairs to unpack his things. When he got there, he saw a small keyring on the kitchen counter with a note. 

_Here's your keys. Big one's for the bar door, the two smaller ones are for the stairs and apartment door. Shout if you need a hand with anything.-Ellen_

Dean smiled and opened his box, putting things away quickly and then dragging his duffel bag into the bedroom to put his clothes away. Once he was unpacked he shoved the box and duffel into his small closet and collapsed onto his bed, pulling his phone out of his pocket. Biting his lip and taking a deep breath, he started to type a text message. 

_Hey, Cas...I know you said you'd get ahold of me but I just wanted to apologise for earlier. Didn't mean to flip on you like that. I get it if I've blown my chances now._

He set his phone down beside his hip and ran a hand through his hair, trying to decide what the next thing on his to-do list was. He'd just decided to run out and get a few groceries when his phone buzzed beside him. 

_> It's all right, Dean. I understand. Is there anything I can do to help you?_

Dean's teeth clenched as he read the message. Cas didn't hate him. He _didn't hate him._

_No. I'm good now. Just got an apartment. Sorry for bugging you._

_ >You're not bugging me. It was nice to see you this morning, Dean. _

_It was nice to see you too, Cas._

_ >Can I see you tomorrow? _

Dean's breath caught in his throat. 

_I work until five._

He sent the message like that. He wanted to suggest they get dinner, but he didn't want to push his luck or make Cas think he was trying to assume anything. He'd promised to let Cas do things in his own time, and he intended to keep to that. He fiddled with his phone for a minute, waiting anxiously for Cas' response. 

_> Would you like to have dinner with me?_

_Yes._

_ >I'll meet you outside the tutoring centre after your shift. _

_Thank you, Cas._

_ >See you tomorrow, Dean. _

Dean slid his phone into his pocket, unable to wipe the smile from his face. He got up from the bed and headed into the kitchen, taking his keys and wallet from the counter before heading to his car to go to the grocery store. 

*****

When his shift was over the next day, he popped into the tutoring centre's bathroom to check how he looked before going out to meet Cas. He ran his fingers through his short hair briefly before determining it was good enough and left the tutoring centre. Cas was standing there, waiting. 

“Hi,” Dean said, cursing the nervousness in his voice 

“Hello Dean.” Cas' usual greeting came out in his usual tone, with no hint of anger in his voice. “I thought that I would cook tonight, if that is all right with you.” 

Dean took a deep breath. The last time he'd been at Cas' it hadn't gone so well, but he was determined this time would be different. He smiled. “Sure, Cas. That sounds great. Thanks. Did you bring your car, or do you want me to drive?” 

“I walked today,” Cas said. 

“I'll drive then. I got a good parking spot this morning, it's not far” He led the way to the nearest parking lot and slung his backpack in the trunk after unlocking the front door for Castiel. He slid into the front seat beside him and started the car. 

They chatted idly about their days as Dean drove the short distance to Cas' apartment, their conversation more stilted than it used to be but not as strained as it had been at the coffee shop on the weekend. When they got to Cas' building, Dean followed him up the stairs and inside. 

“Wow, Cas, it smells great in here,” he said. 

Cas gave him a small smile. “Thank you. I started cooking this morning. I hope chilli is all right.” 

“I love chilli,” Dean said, returning Cas' smile. 

A few minutes after they got there, they were already eating. 

“Ugh, bless the inventor of the slow cooker,” Dean said with a laugh. Castiel nodded his silent agreement, having just taken a large bite of bread. “This is really great, Cas, thanks again.” They ate in silence for a few minutes more before Cas swallowed hard and looked up at Dean. 

“I'm sorry, Dean,” he said quietly. Dean's heart dropped. He knew what was coming. “I shouldn't have freaked out at you the way that I did. I should have let you explain things better before I kicked you out.” 

Dean froze. That wasn't what he had been expecting. 

“I'm not saying I'm happy about what happened...but I shouldn't have been so harsh right off the bat. Can you forgive me?” Cas asked. 

Dean dropped his spoon into his empty bowl with a clatter. Taking a deep breath to steady his nerves, he reached out slowly and took Cas' hand in his own. “Cas, please believe me when I say you have absolutely nothing to apologise for. I was a dick. I fucked up big time. I'm sorry that I hurt you, and I hope you know that was never, ever my intention.” Castiel nodded slowly, squeezing Dean's hand slightly. They stared at each other for a minute, Dean rubbing his thumb lightly along the back of Cas' hand. Cas bit his lip slightly and looked down at his bowl. 

“I should clear these dishes away,” he said, his voice rougher than usual. He grabbed Dean's bowl as well as his own and brought them into the kitchen, running some water into them. “Do you want to watch a movie?” he called over his shoulder to Dean. 

“Sure,” Dean said. “You want me to put something on?” 

“Yeah, pick whatever you like,” Cas said. “I'll be right in.” Dean walked into the living room and knelt in front of Cas' shelf of DVDs, looking at the available options. When he found one he didn't expect to see, his face split into a grin and he pulled it off the shelf, feeding it into the DVD player before moving to sit on the couch and grabbing the remote. When Cas walked in a couple of minutes later, he started to laugh. 

“ _Gremlins,_ Dean? Really?” he asked through his laughter. 

“Hey, this is the greatest movie ever, alright? Besides, you own it, so if you're laughing at anyone...” Dean trailed off with a grin. 

Castiel took a deep breath to try and settle his laughter as he sat down on the couch beside Dean. “Yeah, okay, you've got a point,” he said. His voice became serious for a minute. “Dean?” 

“Yeah, Cas?” 

“I'm glad you're here. I never laugh as much as I do when you're around.” It was Dean's turn to bite his lip as his cheeks began to flush pink. 

“I'm glad, Cas,” he said quietly before quickly pressing play on the remote. 

A couple of hours later, they were sitting directly next to each other, relaxing in such a way that their forearms were resting against each other. Dean ran his fingers lightly over Cas' hand. 

“I should go...” he said regretfully. “I've got a test tomorrow I need to finish reviewing for.” 

Cas nodded. “Thank you for coming over, Dean.” 

“Thanks for inviting me, Cas. Are,” he paused. “Are we good?” He could only hope the nervousness in his voice wasn't too blatant. He smiled in relief when Cas nodded. 

“Yeah. I think we're good, Dean. I don't...we're not 100%. But we're good.” 

“Thank you,” Dean said again. “I swear I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been able to forgive me, Cas.” He stood up and walked towards the door, shoving his feet into his shoes. 

“Dean,” Castiel said from behind him. Dean spun around and found Cas right behind him. Once Dean was fully facing him, Cas grabbed the back of his head and pulled Dean towards him for a bruising kiss. “Good night,” he said quietly as he pulled away. 

“G-good night, Cas,” Dean stammered as he opened the door and left. 

It seemed like maybe, just maybe, things were going to start looking up. 


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning was Friday and Dean awoke feeling lighter than he had in a while. He got out of bed and headed for the kitchen to start some coffee. Deciding to save himself some time (and hoping it would speed the waking-up process since he'd been up late studying), he went to the bathroom to shower while the coffee was brewing. When he finished, he wrapped a towel around his waist and headed into his bedroom to get dressed. He pulled on jeans and a long-sleeved black shirt, and stood in front of his closet debating for a minute before deciding to put on a green and blue plaid shirt over top of the long sleeve. He paused in front of the mirror to run his fingers through his hair before heading back to the kitchen, happy to see his coffee had finished just as he came in. He poured it into his travel mug and scooped up his bag, wallet, and keys before leaving the apartment to go to school. 

As he slid into his car, his phone beeped loudly in his pocket. He pulled it out and unlocked it, grinning when he saw the message on the screen. 

_> Hey. What do you think about resurrecting movie night? _

_Love to. Usual time?_

_ >Sounds good. _

_Can't wait._

He slid his phone back into his pocket and turned the key in the ignition, grinning when the tape in the player roared to life along with the engine. Things were definitely looking up. 

*****

Dean finished his test with twenty minutes to spare. He glanced at the time and remembered Castiel was holding office hours, and since he had some extra time he decided to go say hello. He quickly crossed the campus to the building that housed Cas' office and made his way to the third floor. He stepped in front of the door and took a deep breath as he lifted his hand to knock lightly. 

“Come in,” came Cas' familiar, rough voice. Dean opened the door and stepped inside quietly, closing the door behind him just as Cas turned in his swivelling desk chair. A small smile quirked at the corners of his mouth. “Hello Dean,” he said. 

Dean grinned. “Hey Cas. Finished that test early, so I thought I'd come say hi. I hope I'm not interrupting anything.” 

“Nothing that can't wait,” Cas said. He stood up and leaned forward, brushing a light kiss to Dean's lips before sitting down again. “I'm glad you came by. Do you want to sit?” he asked, gesturing towards the spare chair beside his own. Dean pulled his bag off his shoulder and set it on the ground before sitting down, suddenly feeling more nervous and slightly unsure what to say. 

“So, um...what movie do you want to see tonight?” he asked, grasping at straws. 

Cas shrugged. “To be honest with you, I haven't kept up on what's playing. I really had no interest in going without...well, I wasn't interested in going to the theatre,” he said. 

Dean bit his lip slightly. “Yeah, I didn't feel like going without you, either,” he said quietly, lifting his eyes to meet Castiel's. They sat and simply looked at each other for a minute before Dean coughed softly to try and cut through some of the electricity that he could practically feel arcing between them. “Well, uh, how about if I head out and I'll check the movie listings when I get home and text you. Sound okay?” 

Castiel nodded. “That sounds fine, Dean. I'll be on campus until around four today, then I'll head home to change and meet you at the diner.” 

Dean grinned. “Perfect,” he said as he stood up and swung his bag back over his shoulder. Before he could rethink the decision, he bent over and kissed Cas lightly before turning to leave the office. “See you in a few hours, then,” he said with a wink as he closed the door behind him.

*****

As it turned out, there was nothing playing at the theatre that either of them particularly wanted to see, so they picked a random action movie and, after getting way too much popcorn, found seats towards the back of the theatre. Dean balanced the popcorn bucket on his lap and sat stiffly, his arm nervously placed on the very edge of the armrest between himself and Cas. He still wasn't exactly sure just where he and Cas stood, and he was worried about overstepping some undefined boundary. Apparently sensing his concern, Cas trailed his fingers along Dean's forearm before twining their fingers together. He squeezed gently and Dean relaxed, sliding his arm over to be more centred on the armrest. 

“I'm glad we're here,” Cas whispered, his lips brushing against Dean's ear. 

Dean smiled. “Me too,” he whispered back, kissing Cas gently. Cas' lips quirked up slightly and he nipped at Dean's bottom lip before bringing up his free hand to cup Dean's cheek and kissing him more deeply. Dean's tongue slid along Cas' before he kissed him solidly once more and pulled back, glancing around and grateful the theatre was mostly empty, nobody closer than about five rows in front of them. Cas leaned in to kiss him again. 

“I hate this movie,” Dean whispered against his lips. 

“Me too. Want to leave?” Cas replied. Dean's only response was another deep kiss and a slight nod. Abandoning the popcorn bucket to the floor, they stood up, hands still intertwined, and left the theatre. 

*****

They arrived at Cas' apartment in record time, Dean pulling the car quickly into an empty visitor spot. Not wanting to waste time waiting for the elevator, they ran up the stairs to Cas' floor. Cas fumbled with his keys one-handed, not wanting to release Dean's hand from his own, and after a minute of struggling managed to get the door open. No sooner were they through than Cas was pushing the door closed with Dean's body as he shoved him firmly against it, crushing his lips to Dean's once more. 

“Jesus,” Dean said on a breath as Cas' lips moved from his lips to his neck, “I can't believe how much I missed you, Cas. It doesn't even make sense. But fuck, I missed you so much.” He brought his free hand to Cas' face and guided their lips back together, huffing out a breath as Cas wedged one of his knees in between Dean's thighs. Dean pressed downwards, already desperate for friction against his cock. 

“Missed you too,” Cas said, his lips moving along Dean's jaw as he started to work open the button of Dean's jeans. “Tried not to...couldn't help it. What the hell is it about you?” He started to tease at Dean's neck with his teeth and tongue as he tugged the pants down just far enough over his hips that he could yank Dean's boxers out of the way and wrap one hand around his erection, jacking him quickly as he bit and licked at Dean's skin. Dean's head fell back, hitting the door with a crack as he groaned. 

“Fuck. Not gonna last long if you keep that up,” Dean gasped. Castiel showed no signs of stopping, pressing himself harder against Dean and leaving only enough room to continue moving his hand as he kissed and bit any exposed skin he could find. True to his prediction, it was only a matter of minutes before Dean gasped and thrust upwards into Cas' hand, coming hard over his fist. Cas continued pumping him through his orgasm, his kisses returning to Dean's lips but slowing down to a more languid pace as he worked him through it. When Dean finally relaxed, Cas released him and tucked his softening cock back into his boxers. Dean grabbed Cas' wrist and brought it to his mouth, licking his own come off Cas' fingers. Cas groaned as he watched his fingers disappear into Dean's mouth slowly, one by one, and pressed the hard line of his erection into Dean's hip. 

“Jesus Dean, I can't...when you...too long...oh, fuck!” Cas shouted as he pressed into Dean again. Dean felt warmth spreading where the pressure was and he slid Cas' final finger out of his mouth before breaking eye contact and glancing down, a smile coming to his lips when he realised what had happened. 

“Shut up,” Cas muttered, his head falling against Dean's shoulder in embarrassment. “It's been a while, okay? And you looked so fucking sexy sucking on my fingers like that.” 

Dean ran his fingers comfortingly over Cas' hair and back. “Shh, Cas. It's okay babe.” He kissed Cas gently on the forehead. “We'll have plenty of time to make up for it,” he said with a smile. “You wanna go get cleaned up?” 

Cas nodded and lifted his head to kiss Dean again, a soft brush of lips against lips. “Stay tonight?” he asked. Dean nodded, and they twined their fingers together again to walk to the bathroom to clean themselves up. 

*****

Dean awoke the next morning warm, happy, and with his limbs completely entangled in someone else's. It took a moment for him to remember where he was, and then the night before suddenly came back to him in a rush. He blinked his eyes open slowly and found Cas' bright blue ones staring back at him. 

“Morning,” he mumbled. 

“Morning,” Cas repeated. “How'd you sleep?” 

“Never better,” Dean said, crossing the small distance between them to kiss Cas. 

“Me too,” Cas said. They lay there for a long time, kissing and running their hands along each other sleepily before they both drifted off to sleep again. 

When Dean awoke again, he was alone in the bed. He sat up quickly, the blanket falling from his shoulders to drape over his waist as he glanced around. He could hear Cas in the kitchen, so he leaned over the edge of the bed and picked up a pair of the other man's pyjama pants that he saw lying on the floor. They seemed clean enough, so he swung his legs off the bed and pulled them on before leaving the bedroom for the kitchen. 

Cas was standing in front of the toaster, humming softly with two cups of coffee beside him. Dean came up behind him and slid his arms around Cas' narrow hips, kissing his neck. 

“Morning,” he murmured against Cas' skin. 

“Hello Dean,” Cas said, smiling. “I was just about to come in and get you. Thought you were going to sleep all day...I thought I'd tempt you with coffee,” he said, lifting one arm to wrap around the back of Dean's head. 

“You always tempt me,” Dean said, nipping lightly at Cas' skin. 

Cas chuckled. “You're impossible.” 

“You love it.” 

Cas shrugged. “I can't deny that.” He dropped his arm and turned around to face Dean, who pressed him backwards against the counter before kissing him firmly on the lips. Just then, the toast popped out. Cas lifted his hands to Dean's shoulders and pushed him back gently. “Breakfast,” he said softly. 

“I'd rather have you,” Dean pouted. 

“You'll need energy if you're going to keep up with me today,” Cas said, winking at him. 

“Promises, promises,” Dean muttered as Cas spread margarine over the toast. As he turned to hand the plate to the younger man, he pressed his lips against Dean's ear. 

“I think you'll find I always make good on my promises. Oh, and I could really get used to seeing you in my pants,” he whispered, then smirked. “My pyjamas, that is,” he said as he slipped out from between Dean and the counter, picking up his coffee mug as he headed for the living room. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this update has taken so long. Oh man. Real life just kept getting in the way. If you're still here, thank you, and I hope the update doesn't completely disappoint.

Dean and Castiel spent the rest of the weekend in Cas' apartment in various states of undress. When Dean finally decided, late Sunday night, that he _really_ ought to go back to his own apartment since he didn't have any clean clothes with him to change into the next morning before heading to school, it took twenty minutes of _just one more kiss, okay i'll lay here for one more minute, no just come here and hug me, keep moving your hips like that and you're never getting out of here_ before he finally made it out the door. He drove back to the Roadhouse cheerfully and was grateful that it was still busy (strangely so, for a Sunday evening) so that he didn't attract much attention heading up to his apartment. He took a shower before collapsing onto his bed and fell asleep with a smile on his face as he wrapped himself around his extra pillow. 

Dean woke up the next morning to the sound of his phone buzzing away on his bedside table. He grumbled slightly and rolled over, unlocking the phone as he picked it up and brought it in front of his face. Blinking sleepily, he watched the message open up in front of him. 

_> Morning handsome. Coffee today? xo._

Dean smiled in spite of his sleepiness and texted back positively, suddenly feeling much more cheerful about getting out of bed with the prospect of coffee with Cas between classes looming. He climbed out of bed and headed for the bathroom to shower before going to school. 

*****

Dean arrived at the coffee shop fifteen minutes late and out of breath. Finding Cas' table before he went to the counter to order his drink, he found the other man seated with two drinks in front of him. 

“Hello Dean,” Cas said, his smile so unusually wide it threatened to split his face. “I got your coffee for you already.” 

Dean's face softened from its stressed-out expression. “Hi, Cas. Thanks. I'm sorry I'm late.” 

Cas shook his head. “Don't worry about it. Is everything okay?” 

“Yeah, I'm fine. I just needed to ask a quick question of my prof and there was about four people ahead of me in line for his office hours.” Dean sank into the chair across from Cas and smiled. “How're you?” 

“A little tired,” Cas winked, “but otherwise well. Thank you.” 

Dean's grin widened. “Oh? Why so tired?” 

Castiel rolled his eyes dramatically. “Well, do you know, someone kept me up half the weekend. And I mean, he was cute and all, but he was absolutely relentless.” 

“Really? Who is he, I want to kick his ass. Both out of jealousy and for making you so utterly exhausted today,” Dean said, biting his lip to try and keep himself from laughing. 

“No need,” Cas said. “I was thinking about texting him anyway...see if i can't have the opportunity to punish him for it sometime soon.” 

Dean shivered visibly. “He'd be a fool to turn that down,” he said, his voice lowering substantially. 

“Tonight?” Cas asked quietly. Dean started to nod, then smacked his palm into his forehead. 

“I really can't tonight. I offered to help out Ellen at the bar, she stopped me this morning. Ash is sick and they really need a hand tonight.” When he saw Cas' face sink, he continued, “You could come in to the bar, if you want,” he said quietly. “I really do want to see you. Since I just live upstairs, you could stay over. I mean, my place isn't much, it's nothing compared to where you live, but it's something.' 

Castiel smiled again. “What time do you start tonight?” he asked. Dean grinned and leaned forward, brushing a light kiss across Castiel's lips before responding. 

*****

It was 9:00 pm and The Roadhouse was infinitely busier than it usually was on a Monday evening due to a large birthday party that had come in. 

“Don't any of these people have to work tomorrow?” Dean asked Jo frantically as he swapped her tray full of empty cups for the one of full ones he'd just finished topping off. 

“Probably. But it's the guy in the green shirt's twenty-first, so I don't think they care. Thanks,” she said, grabbing the tray and heading off again. Out of the corner of his eye, Dean saw someone approach the bar and he spun around, a smile coming to his face when he met a pair of familiar blue eyes. 

“Hey there,” he said casually. 

“Hello Dean,” Castiel responded. “I see why you were needed here tonight. It's certainly crowded for a Monday evening.” 

Dean nodded. “You're telling me. What can I get for you, Cas? It's on me.” 

“Beer, please. And that's really not necessary, you know.” 

“Shut up, Cas,” Dean said, laughing as he began to pour the beer for Castiel. “You're waiting around here for probably at least a couple of hours for me, the least I can do is buy you beer.” 

Castiel laughed, his face lighting up with it as Dean slid his beer across the counter. 

“I've gotta check and see if this food order is up, babe. I'll check in with you as soon as I can,” Dean said. 

“Take your time,” Castiel said. “I've got reading to do and anyway, I like watching you work.” Dean shook his head at that, chuckling. Leave it to his boyfriend to bring the thick novel of the day to a bar. He turned around again and stuck his head through the opening to the kitchen, shouting at Ellen to ask about the status of the food order Jo was waiting on. 

*****

It was midnight by the time things had finally settled down enough that Ellen waved Dean upstairs. 

“Thanks a lot, Dean. I really appreciate you jumping in for Ash.” 

“No problem, Ellen. Glad I could help.” He offered her a small wave before walking around the bar and sliding an arm around Castiel's hips slowly and kissing him lightly on the cheek. 

“Hi,” he said. 

Castiel closed his book and smiled. “Hello,” he replied, tilting his head back to kiss the younger man. 

“You ready to come up?” Dean asked. 

“More than,” Castiel said, his smile spreading. Dean took his hand and led him towards the upstairs door, pulling his key out of his pocket so he wouldn't have to fumble around for it when they reached the top of the stairs. When they did get there, however, Dean paused, suddenly nervous about Castiel seeing his tiny, shabby apartment. 

“Are you all right, Dean?” Castiel asked, noticing his hesitation. 

“Yeah...just...I'm really sorry about my place, I know it isn't much...” Dean said softly. 

Castiel raised an eyebrow. “Dean, do you really think I care?” he asked, his tone almost offended. 

“No, of course not, Cas,” Dean replied. 

“Good. Then let's go in. I've had all kinds of deliciously dirty thoughts running through my head watching that ass of yours running back and forth behind the bar and I'm sure your boss-slash-landlord wouldn't appreciate me acting on them in her stairwell.” Dean laughed at this mostly-unexpected response and pushed the key into the lock, turning it and opening the door to allow them entrance before shutting and locking it again behind them. By the time the lock clicked shut, Castiel's shoes had been kicked to the side and he was pushing Dean up against the door, pressing himself hard against the younger man as he kissed him hard, his fingers raking through Dean's brown hair. Dean let his hands drift down Cas' back to his ass, squeezing it briefly before pulling his head back, hitting it on the door in the process. 

“What do you think, should we move this somewhere a little more comfortable?” he asked, nodding his head towards the bed. Castiel's blue eyes sparked as he pulled back reluctantly from Dean and took his head, leading him over to the bed quickly and pushing him down onto it. Dean pulled the other man towards himself, crushing their lips together eagerly. 

*****

Dean's alarm blared at far too early an hour the next morning. Grumbling, he reached behind him and pounded on the snooze button before rolling back to wrap his arms and legs around Castiel again, octopus-style. Castiel nuzzled into his chest and kissed his collarbone lightly. 

“Time'zit?” he mumbled sleepily. 

“Too early,” Dean grumbled in response. They lay in the bed for a few more minutes, neither willing to disentangle from the other, when the alarm blared again. Dean let out a small, incomprehensible whine and reached around to turn it off again. When he turned back towards Castiel, he found the other man still on his side but propped up on one arm. 

“C'mere,” Dean mumbled, tugging half-heartedly on Cas' arm. 

“We gotta get up, lazy,” Castiel said with a small smile. 

“Who died and made you a morning person?” Dean said, burying his face back in the pillow. 

“That only vaguely makes sense, you know that, right?” Castiel said, running a hand over Dean's bare back. 

“Early. Don't care.” Dean said. Castiel chuckled and leaned over to press a kiss in between Dean's shoulder blades. 

“I'm gonna go make coffee,” he said quietly. “You don't get any if you don't get out of bed.” 

“Sadist,” Dean said, turning to face Cas and scowling. Castiel, however, was already out of the bed and across the small apartment. Dean rubbed at his eyes crankily and slid out of bed, pulling on what he thought was a clean pair of boxers before following Castiel. As Cas filled the pot to pour into the reservoir of the coffee maker, Dean slid his hands along Cas' prominent hipbones and wrapped his arms around the smaller man, pulling him close. Castiel tried hard to focus on pouring the water accurately into the appliance, and was mostly successful. After he'd pressed the start button, Dean spun him around and pressed him against the counter before bending his head to kiss Cas. 

“Morning,” he said softly, sleepiness still clear in his face. 

“Morning,” Castiel replied, a smile crossing his face. “I knew threatening you with no coffee would get you up.” 

“Who said anything about that?” Dean asked. “I caught sight of your cute butt and had to come over here.” His voice was playful now as he started to wake up more. Castiel cupped Dean's face in his hands and pulled him down for another kiss. 

“You're a menace,” he said. 

“You wouldn't have me any other way,” Dean replied. 

“No, I suppose not,” Castiel said after pretending to contemplate Dean's statement for a moment. “We should get dressed while this coffee finishes. We're running late as it is.” 

“Well aren't you punctual,” Dean teased. Castiel stuck his tongue out at him. 

“I'm going to go take a shower,” Castiel said. “Don't you dare distract me, I know what you're thinking,” he added quickly when he saw a mischievous gleam appear in Dean's eyes. 

Dean quickly schooled his features into something more innocent. “Who, me?” he said. Castiel glared at him without much force behind the look, and pushed Dean gently away before turning to enter the bathroom. 

*****

They wouldn't have been late for their first respective classes if they'd managed to keep their hands off each other in the car like a couple of horny teenagers on their first date. As they wandered into their classrooms, each with similarly dopey smiles on their faces, neither could ignore the contrasting thoughts of bliss at the situation, and pits of fear in their stomachs that things could never be this good for long. 


	8. Chapter 8

 “Are you fucking kidding me?” Dean shouted into the phone. He paused and took a deep breath before continuing. “Look. Lisa. I know I'm not your favourite person,” he rolled his eyes as she snorted derisively in response to that, “but Ben is still my son too. How can you possibly say I can't see him on his birthday?” He took another deep breath as Lisa responded, trying to keep his voice steady. “I don't need him the whole day, Lisa. I just want to take him out for lunch, maybe to a movie or something. Come on. I know we didn't work out but I'm a good father. Can't you rework your plans a little?” 

She stayed stubborn. The only concession she would make was to let Dean have Ben for a few hours the day before or after his birthday. His birthday itself, she insisted, was booked solid. Dean hung up the phone in frustration and tossed it onto the floor before falling over onto his bed, tears welling up in his eyes. He knew he was overreacting, but he couldn't seem to control it. All he could wrap his mind around was the fact that, for the first time since Ben was born, Dean wouldn't be seeing his son on his birthday. Missing milestones was the one thing Dean had always sworn he would never do as a parent. 

He was a failure. He kicked his heel against the bed in anger as his breath came sharply, trying to keep himself from crying. 

Men didn't cry, after all. 

*****

He pulled himself off the bed two hours later, untangling his fists from where they were balled in the blanket. The notification light on his phone was flashing, a signal of the multiple text messages he'd received but ignored. He bent down to pick up the discarded phone and opened the messages. 

 

_> Hey. Do you want to come over tonight? _

_ >Dean?_

_ >It's alright if you don't. _

_ >Dean, I'm getting concerned. Are you okay? _

 

Dean knew he should feel bad for ignoring Cas' texts, but he couldn't bring himself to. He was still too irritable from his conversation with Lisa. He hit the reply button and quickly tapped out a response. 

 

_Can't tonight. Stuff to deal with. Sorry._

 

He knew he'd catch hell for the tone of the message, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He was about to fail his son; what did anything else matter? 

 

*****

 

Four days after his conversation with Lisa, Dean was leaving the tutoring centre when Cas came quickly around the corner and pressed him to the wall before putting his arms up on either side of Dean's shoulders. 

“Cas, what the hell?” Dean snapped. 

“Don't what the hell me, Dean,” Cas growled. “You've been ignoring my texts and calls. What on earth is going on?” 

Dean grit his teeth. “Nothing. I gotta go,” he said, trying to duck under Cas' arm. Cas grabbed him. 

“No, Dean. For fuck's sake would you just _talk_ to me? Let me help you. That's what I'm _here_ for, you ass.” 

“I don't _want_ your help. I can't do this right now, Cas. Get out of my way.” He pressed his shoulder against Cas' and pushed hard with it, shoving the other man out of his way and heading down the hall. Cas stared after him, a hopeless look on his face. 

*****

Dean had been home for an hour when the weight of what he'd done settled on him. His stomach dropped as the fog of anger passed. He picked up his phone and tapped out a message with shaking hands. 

_I'm sorry._

He stared at his screen for several minutes, but there was no response. He stood up and walked towards the fridge, pulling out a beer and collapsing on the couch as he looked wearily at his full backpack, trying to figure out if he could put off his assignments for the night. Just as he'd determined there were some he could leave and some he really ought to work on, his phone beeped loudly from the other side of the room. Dean stood quickly and crossed the room in two long strides, picking up the phone and pressing the button to open the message. 

_> K_

Dean's heart sank. When he got one-word answers from Cas, he knew he was in trouble. He grit his teeth and started to type out another message. 

_Forgive me?_

The next response was much quicker. 

_> I don't know what's going on with you, Dean. But it's not my fault. _

_I know. I'm sorry. Please, Cas._

_ >What's going on?_

_It's a long story. Will you come over tomorrow night after my shift? I'll...explain. I promise._

_ >Fine. _

_Thanks, Cas..._

_ >I'll see you tomorrow. _

Dean sighed and put down his phone. He knew that was the best he could hope for and that it was more than he deserved, but he was still concerned that he wouldn't be able to make Cas forgive him. He walked over to his backpack and picked it up, hoping he'd be able to focus enough to do his chemistry homework. 

*****

Dean paced outside the tutoring centre at the end of his shift. He'd been waiting five minutes and was about to admit to himself that Cas had (rightfully, he was sure, God knew he deserved it) stood him up when he saw the familiar mussed dark hair walking towards him. 

“Cas,” Dean breathed, walking towards him and reaching forwards for a hug. Cas stiffened and Dean dropped his hands. “Hey.” 

“Hello Dean,” Cas said formally. 

Dean blinked quickly. “My car's parked in the lower lot,” was all he said, turning in the direction of the mentioned lot. Castiel followed silently. “So...how's your week been?” Dean asked, trying to break the uncomfortable silence. 

“Not great,” was all Cas said. 

Dean nodded. “Right. Stupid question. Mine too.” He fell silent then and the two men walked towards Dean's car. 

“I made that Mexican chicken in the slow cooker that you like,” Dean said quietly as they pulled into his parking spot outside the Roadhouse. 

“Thank you,” Cas said. 

“No problem,” Dean replied. They sat down on the couch, staying quiet for several minutes before Dean started talking. 

“Lisa won't let me see Ben on his birthday,” he said quietly. Cas' head snapped up. “She's letting me have him the day after. But apparently she has plans that can't be changed and that don't include me on the day of. I haven't missed any of his birthdays. I always swore I never would. My dad was rarely around for mine and I always swore I wouldn't be That Dad. But here I am.” The words spilled out of him far faster than he'd planned. He hadn't intended on being as detailed as he was, but now that he'd started, he couldn't seem to stop. “I'm a failure as a father. And I always swore I wouldn't be, everything I've done has always been for Ben, I always swore I wouldn't be my father but now here I am, missing Ben's birthday and drinking too much and fucking up the one good relationship I have in my life. Like always.” His eyes dropped to stare at his lap. “I'm sorry, Cas.” 

There was no response for a minute and Dean lifted his eyes tentatively. Cas was staring at him, blue eyes wide. Suddenly he lunged forward on the couch, wrapping his arms tightly around Dean's shoulders. 

“I'm so sorry, Dean. If I'd known...God I hate her! But listen to me,” he said, sitting back slightly but leaving his hands on Dean's arms, rubbing them gently. “You are not your father. You _want_ to be there, and it sounds like that's the difference. You are a good father. You've done more for Ben than I know a lot of fathers do, and you hardly became one in the most ideal of circumstances.” Dean swallowed hard and looked away from Cas. “Dean...look at me.” Cas' voice was low. Dean turned his head to face Cas reluctantly, knowing that emotion was written all over his face and hating it. “I'm sorry Lisa is being that way. But you don't have to keep these things from me, Dean. I want to be here for you. I want to help you. You know that, right?” 

Dean nodded. “I'm sorry. I just...I don't do feelings. I don't do emotion, and definitely not public emotion. I shut off. No matter how much I love someone, I just can't -” he stopped talking suddenly when he realised what he'd said. Cas' eyes widened as he pulled Dean back into his arms. 

“I love you too, Dean,” he whispered into Dean's ear before kissing him softly. Dean melted into Cas' embrace as he returned the kiss slowly and lazily. Cas' hands ran down his arms, twining their fingers together and squeezing Dean's hands lightly. Dean smiled against Cas' lips and squeezed back, pressing himself slightly harder against Cas so that he fell backwards, Dean laying on his chest. 

“Love you so much,” Dean said softly, bumping his forehead gently against Cas' before bringing his head down to lay on the other man's chest. Cas smiled and wrapped his arms around Dean and they lay there, unspeaking, until they fell asleep tangled together, dinner in the slow cooker forgotten for the moment. 

*****

Dean woke up two hours later and lifted his head slightly to see Cas smiling down at him. 

“Morning sleeping beauty,” Cas grinned. 

Dean glared half-heartedly. “How long have you been awake?” 

“Dunno. Awhile, I guess.” 

“You should have woken me up instead of leaving my lazy ass keeping you trapped on the couch,” Dean said, his cheeks colouring slightly. 

“I happen to like your ass,” Cas said playfully, reaching forward to swat at Dean's butt. 

“Hey now, I'm in a prone position!” Dean said. 

“Pfft, I'm the one pinned underneath you!” Cas laughed. “But I like you prone anyways,” he said with a wink. 

“Yeah, I bet you do,” Dean grinned. He was about to continue, but his stomach growled loudly. He looked down sheepishly. 

“Dinner?” Cas asked. 

“Maybe a good idea,” Dean said. “But we will finish this.” 

“Oh, I'm counting on it,” Cas replied. 

They ate in a comfortable silence, probably much faster than was strictly necessary. After putting their empty plates in the sink, Cas came up behind Dean and slid his arms around the other man's waist, pulling him in tightly and dropping kisses along his neck. Dean smiled and reached behind himself to grip Castiel's hair, pressing the man's lips harder against his neck. Cas smiled, his lips parting as he bit lightly at the sensitive skin at the join between Dean's neck and shoulder, eliciting a soft moan from the taller man. Cas slid his hands to grip at Dean's hips and spun him around, pulling him tightly and gripping his ass with one hand and using the other to pull Dean's head down to kiss him. Dean's tongue slid slowly along Cas' lower lip before pressing into his mouth, desperate and needy. They didn't stop to part their lips as they stumbled towards Dean's bed, pulling off whatever clothing they could and tripping over each other and their tangled clothing as they moved. When they were almost at the bed Dean lost his balance completely and fell over, thankful when he landed on the bed and dissolved into laughter. Cas laughed as well and ran over to the bed, covering Dean with his body and pressing light kisses to his face, neck, and collarbone. Their cocks pressed together and Dean gasped, thrusting his hips forwards to provide more friction between them. Their laughter stopped as their kisses became more desperate, their hands exploring each others' bodies more quickly. Cas trailed a finger over Dean's hole lightly and Dean jerked forward. 

“God, Cas, please,” he breathed into Cas' neck. “Need you. Now. Please.” 

“I've got you, Dean. You'll have what you need. I promise,” Cas said. He slid his hands up Dean's chest and trailed two fingers along Dean's lips, which parted and pulled Cas' fingers in, sucking eagerly. 

“Good boy,” Cas said quietly, running his free hand through Dean's short hair. He pulled his fingers from Dean's mouth when they were quite wet and brought the heel of his hand down Dean's chest before slowly pushing the tip of one wet finger into the other man. Dean let out a deep breath and relaxed and Cas was able to slip a second finger inside. He paused for a moment to allow Dean to adjust to the slight stretch, but Dean pressed down against his fingers. 

“Move. Need more. Please,” he said (he didn't whimper, no way). Cas chuckled and began to slowly scissor his fingers back and forth, opening Dean up carefully as Dean pressed down against him. Cas smiled and inserted a third finger carefully, chuckling when it penetrated Dean with little difficulty. 

“You're so hungry for it,” he said, thoroughly enjoying the sight of Dean falling apart below him. 

“You know I am,” Dean whimpered (definitely a whimper this time, no denying it anymore). “Fuck me, Cas, please. Need it so bad.” 

“Yeah, Dean. I'll fuck you,” Cas said, slowly withdrawing his fingers and reaching into the small drawer in the bedside table to pull out a condom. He tore into the foil and rolled it on before pushing Dean's knees back against his chest and positioning his cock at Dean's entrance. He took a deep breath, hoping he wouldn't come just from pushing into Dean; he was aching, needy, and desperate despite the air of calm he was struggling to maintain in his voice. When he thought he had enough control, he pressed slowly into Dean, who gasped and pushed back against him, sheathing Cas inside of himself much faster than he'd planned. Cas gasped. 

“Dean, stop a sec, fuck, stop,” he said. 

Dean stopped instantly. “You okay babe? We'll stop if you want but I'm probably gonna be really fucking cranky.” 

Cas laughed. “No. Not stopping for good. No way. Just...need a minute...” he gasped. Dean nodded and after a minute Cas started to move again. He thrust into Dean hard and fast, hitting Dean's prostate with every stroke. It wasn't long before Dean's hand had come down to grip his own cock, stripping it rapidly in time with Cas' thrusts. A few thrusts later and Dean was coming, hot spurts of come painting his chest, and the feel of his ass clenching around Cas' cock drove him over the edge too. Cas stilled inside Dean as he came, and when he finally felt his cock stop pulsing he pulled out carefully before pulling off the condom and tying the end, tossing it in the general vicinity of the trashcan near the bed. He flopped onto his side next to Dean and started to trail his fingers through the puddles of come on his chest, alternately sucking it off himself and feeding it to Dean. Once Dean's chest was clean, Cas kissed him again. It was slow and wet and filthy, and when they finally broke apart Dean curled into Cas' chest. Cas chuckled and wrapped his arms around Dean, pulling him tightly to his chest. 

“Love you,” Dean mumbled, clearly already half asleep. 

“Love you too, Dean,” Cas said, kissing the top of Dean's head and carefully reaching down to pull the blanket over them. 

Within minutes, they were both asleep. 


End file.
